Tuesday, December 30, 2008

...with a capital L

As we grow up, we find out that decisions are harder than we ever thought they would be, and that love is greater than we ever knew or thought possible. We find out that certain friends will fade, lovers will come and go, and heart ache will be known by us all in some form or another. We find out that simple doesn't exist in the adult world and that things are more complicated than we ever thought they could be. We find out that work is never ending and there is always more to do, that no matter how hard we work, we must always find comfort within ourselves.

But in all the pain and heartache and vulnerability, we find hope. We find truth in new beginnings and in letting old loves go. We find as we grow up that love with come and go, but Love with a capital L, will always be there. It might take us a little while to find it, and it may take years before we know it's real, but it's there, and perhaps always has been.

As we get older, Love is the one thing that will always tell us what to do next. And if our Love is strong enough so that two people may go off on their own and pursue their own dreams, then you know it's true and real and genuine. And if it comes to the point where your Love drives two people apart, well perhaps it was rushed, perhaps you both need time to grow, and perhaps letting it go for now is the best decision you could make. Love can be strong or weak, selfish or giving. It can be pure and true or dishonest and devastating.

But the best love of all, is knowing that whatever you put into it, the other person is putting the same.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Suddenly

As my dreams are fast approaching,
suddenly I need nothing else,
but you and us.

Suddenly, the moments don't make sense
without you by my side,
without you here in my life.

I've never deserved anything more than you,
and no one has ever loved me like you,
no one ever touched me so deep.

Suddenly, all the days together are not enough,
suddenly, moments away are crucially hard,
and suddenly, I am realizing how many times over I need you.

I need you now and always,
I need you in my life and by my side.
I need you more now than ever,
as I move on in this transition,
I need you to hold my heart,
and my hand.

Suddenly I am so afraid to move on without you,
in fear of losing all that I ever loved.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Coming Next

As I began writing this tonight, I had another idea in my head. I was going to write about the new year to come and our chance to make a change and to make a difference. But as I sit here, I am realizing that I have so much to say and yet, not enough time to write it all. And here tonight, there are those of us hurting, those of us fighting for that very last breath that they can muster up, fighting for the words to say what they really feel. There are those that are fighting with those they love and those that are trying with everything they have to carry on through another day.

But if we could stop for a moment and step back, take a breath and look around us at the people that love us, we would see that life is just a book. It's a collection of pages and chapters, a collection of words and letters and even if one chapter might be really hard to get through, we must know that the next one has the potential to be so much better. Chapters end, so do pages, so do sentences, and so do relationships, friendships, careers and life situations. We must look at life not as one thing, but as small chapters and eras that we must go through to get to the end. And each day, we must grow a little stronger, we must hold our head a little higher, and each day it will get a little bit easier. And before we know it, we will be on to the next chapter, turning the pages as quickly as we can because we are enjoying it so much. But we must learn to savor it, to enjoy the time we have and to enjoy the happiness we feel. We must learn to capture the moments, both good and bad, because they are what make our lives what they are. Without pain, there would be no joy in happiness, without happiness we wouldn't know the depth of pain.

So to those of us that are hurting tonight, that are thinking their life is over and that there is no chance for happiness in the future, may you know that this is just one chapter in your life book and if you just keep turning the pages, there will be a good chapter coming next.

Friday, December 19, 2008

to stay or to go....

We grow up believing that we are invincible, that nothing can touch us, that love will always be perfect, that the people we love will never give up on us. And we believe these things, until we experience something different, until reality hits home. We grow up in a bubble, in a world where love never fails, where fairy tales seem real. We grow up thinking that we'll marry the perfect guy, live the perfect life and live happily ever after.

And then something happens, that dream suddenly is gone, and it breaks us. Suddenly, we realize we were too young to make decisions, that we rushed things that might have needed more time, that we didn't do enough on our own, or that perhaps we loved someone we never should have. Suddenly everything breaks, our souls, our hearts, our lives we've been creating. We think we're so grown up, making these life long decisions, choosing our own fates and suddenly, we wish we were just kids again.

Sometimes love does falter, sometimes we love people that we aren't meant to love, sometimes we stay when we should go and sometimes, we just want that fairy tale dream even though we know now it isn't real. Sometimes love happens at the wrong time, sometimes it was never love at all. Sometimes, the light just fades so much we can't see it any longer, sometimes, we get lost ourselves and need time alone to figure it out. Sometimes we can't wait for people to change, sometimes we realize they were all we wanted.

Life isn't easy, it isn't a fairy tale, and it isn't that "playing house" we think it will be when we dive in. Life is long and rough, it's hard and sometimes, it's painful. And sometimes, we have to let go to move on. Other times, we must clinch our teeth and wait it out, to see if that person we love truly loves us back. Love is different for each person, and what it looks like on the outside, is never what it truly is.

And so, we must just all slow down. Love will never rush, so why do we? Let it be, let it go, let if show its true colors. Sometimes we have to let it go to move on, sometimes no matter how hard it is, we must find the strength on our own. Sometimes, we must wait it out, and let that other person find what they are looking for, before they can come back to you. Sometimes love is about moving on, sometimes its about bad timing. But no matter what happens between those two people, it doesn't mean they never loved. Even if you let go, it doesn't make that love you had any less real. So we must look deep inside ourselves and find what we truly need, and if letting go is the answer, than we must let go and have no regrets. But if we know we must wait, then wait a lifetime for the love you know is real.