Tiny Little Lights

Out there across the ocean tonight you are sleeping. And here on this tiny island in the middle of a crowded city, I am thinking of you. I've always known that I'd end up somewhere on my own like this, it's been a part of who I was to become for a long time and it was something that I needed in order to move ahead in my life. I needed to believe again in the magic of the city, in the honesty of the millions and millions of flickering lights and the mystery of how beautiful life is when I can stand on my balcony and look out over the water to where you are.

I've always been a dreamer and for a while, I lost that part of me. I've been learning that I can't give up hope in my dreams because they are what make me smile, what make me laugh, what make me cry and what make me proud. They are make me who I am, and I won't ever give them up. And for my whole life, I've never thought that anyone could come between me and what I want to do with my life, but I'm realizing more and more every day, that you are the one person in this entire world that I would give it all up for. You are the one person that just might make rethink things. If I'm learning anything by being on my own again, I'm learning that every day is a gift, that it's something new and something to take advantage of. And when you see my view out onto this beautiful city, you'll know how magical it is every single day and how it changes me when I just breathe in the air.

I look out over the water, toward where you are and I smile, because someday we'll be living in our own apartment, with a balcony stretching out across the city, watching the millions and millions of tiny little lights flickering across the horizon. Someday we'll have figured everything out and we'll know that because we spent this time apart, we became stronger and more ready to take on the world and everything we have that we want to still accomplish.

Smile

I don't think I've ever felt so at peace as I do now. It seems the world has been lifted off of my shoulders and I am surrounded by new people, new places and most of all, everything I've always wanted seems to have come true here. It's hard to believe that I've only been here two weeks, in my heart it feels like I've always been here. And maybe it's because it reminds me so much of living overseas, or maybe it's because I'm finally doing what I've always wanted to do. And maybe it's because I can sit here night after night and stare out at the city before me and know that this is so right.

Maybe it's because for the first time in my adult life, I actually am doing exaclty what I want and enjoying it. Maybe it's because I am blissfully happy, the happiest I've been in years. And maybe it's because there is something about this city, about this place that reminds me so much of my childhood that it makes me smile sometimes and feel right at home. And maybe it's because I know that my parents are only 15 minutes away again and that I get to come home everyday to this view. Maybe it's because I have so many dreams for my life or maybe it's because there are moments when I can't believe I just moved here.

Maybe it's because of all those things and more, but I don't care because I can't help but smile everyday.

Know that I love you

We're both on our own journeys this year and we're both searching for the things we have to have in order to move on forward. I am still the same girl, still on the one that smiles when it rains, still the one that has to have a blanket in 90 degree heat. I am still the girl that uses 50 sugar packets in her iced tea and the girl that dreams of Paris. I'm still your girl, I'm still the one that loves being in the middle of the city and that finally got her balcony. I'm still the one that you fell in love with, I'm just a little farther away than I used to be.

I know it's going to be hard, that we'll see that couple walking down the street hand in hand and wish it was us. I know that these next couple years or however long it will be will be tough, but hold on to me. Hold on to what we are and who we'll be. Hold on to my smile and keep me in your heart. Remember that a few years is nothing in the span of a lifetime and know that this is truly what I needed, what was meant for me to start my journey and that I am happy, missing you, but happy.

Know that I wake up every single morning and walk out on my balcony and smile, knowing that just out there across the ocean, you might be smiling too. Know that I have everything I always dreamed of and that this is my step to get to where I want to be. Know that I love you and that I always will. Know that someday I will be ready to settle down, someday I will be ready to say those words and live our life together. Know that in a couple years, we will be back together again, and know that this time apart will strengthen us and make us ready for what is coming next.

Know that I am always with you, that when I smile, I think of you. Know that even though I am miles away, I am yours still. Know that you are in my thoughts and that you are always a part of me. Know that I love you, and that will always be enough.

New PAssion, New Love

Sometimes we must open ourselves up to believe in things that are not even real, things in this world that perhaps could be, but never will be seen. We must find a way to believe in something we cannot see or touch, in a love that changes every part of you and an all consuming belief in something that we might never attain.

We must experience those rushes, those passions, those new beginnings to live in a way that will change us and make us find our true selves. There will be heartache along the way no doubt, but there will also be those moments of tender passion and belief, of fear and of hope. We must exchange what we think we know with what we need to know, and we must let go of all that's holding us back.

We are living in a time in which strength within our hearts is ever fleeting and with our minds in chaos, we must find the peace within the unknown and embrace it with all we have. We must leap toward the courage we know we have somewhere down deep and thrill ourselves with new passions and new loves.

What's in my Mind

I don't know where I'll be next year,
if I'll be the person you think I should be,
if I'll be the girl that you used to know.

I don't know if I can ever stay in one place long enough,
I don't know if I can give up my dreams,
or if I should.

I don't know what's on my mind,
or what's in my heart,
but I'm just along for the ride,
and it's time for me to do it on my own again.

I don't know where the freedom went,
but I want it back, just a little bit,
for a just a little while.

I don't know if I'll be who you used to know,
or if I'll ever stay long enough,
but right now, the restlessness is kicking in,
so let me fly free into that world waiting for me.