bad morning

I hate the rain today and I hate hating the rain!!! bad morning.............................

you have to believe

while lying in the dark,
there shines an everlasting light up above,
a star that is guiding my life,
that is showing me where to go.
i'm glad it's guiding me where i am right now,
it's perfect on my path at the moment,
thank the Lord for that.
and i've learned by this path i'm on,
that no matter how far you are in the tunnel,
when you can't see light anymore out of either end,
you have to have faith that it will work out.
you have to know and believe that you'll find the light,
and that it will all work out,
just like it did for me.

She Needs Her Own Life

Does anybody hear me when I scream? I am growing up, can't she see that? She needs her own life, she needs something that she's passionate about. Instead of living through him, instead of living through me. Does anybody hear her except me? She's struggling, she's unsure, she's someone I love but I can see how she's living in the past, she's hurting inside but will not admit it. She nees her own life, she needs to move on from that past, from those years of hell that are hindering her. Move on my dear aunt, move on....

I Know Why

I am inspired by so much these days, so much is opening up my eyes to the glorious world around me. The stars are shining brighter through the clouds than perhaps they ever have, the breeze is sweeter in this brilliant time of year, and the trees are lined with lights. I can't wait for Christmas, to walk downtown as the lights guide our way, and as the rain pours down upon us. This time of year is so inspiring, and this year it's even better than the last. My heart is opening, farther than it has perhaps ever opened, and I know why. I know why life is so glorious and why the world is suddenly an inspiration in itself.

Ever Again

For a moment, I could not stand not to look at you,
I hated being mad at you,
and I longed to feel you next to me.
I hate how I made you feel,
I missed how we usually are,
I'm sorry for being upset,
I could not stand that moment,
and I don't want it to be like that ever again.

..... i'm sorry and thank you ....

this dreamworld we have created

my dreams are once again a part of my heart, things that i know i'll do, that i want to share with you. this morning as i sit here looking out my window at the brilliant city, at the trees changing colors and at the sky, half clouds, half clear, there is so much for me to do in my life, in this world. i once again am not afraid to accomplish my dreams, to chase them, to go after them with all my heart and soul. there are moments when i feel like i am living a dream right now, when everything seems too perfect to be real. though i would rather live as if in a dream, rather than to have no dreams at all, living only in a reality that feels wrong. dreams are so essential to our hearts, and now i have found mine again. so i will keep on living, breathing, in this dreamworld we have created because if it wasn't as real as it is, it would just be a simple reality.

To my incredible dad... who is once again a great part of my life....

Trust Me....

The lamp light beside me is slowly fading,
but I don't need that light to guide my way,
I don't need a guide to show me where to go,
but I do need your trust,
your willingness to know that I will do the right thing.
You can trust me,
you have raised me well,
all your values are similar to mine,
all our morals close to the same.
There is no need to worry about me,
your little girl is safe,
she is in good hands, he'll be good to me,
I promise.
Don't worry, I'll always love you,
and trust you with all my heart,
I just need you to trust me,
like I trust you,
and I know you will.

WOW

you know, all i can say right now at 12 46 in the morning is......... WOW! Life could not be more brilliant...

...nothing quite like that run by the river....

There's nothing quite like a run by the river, the serenity, the peace, the simplicity. With the wind blowing against my face, my feet hitting the pavement and my eyes wandering toward the brilliant river flowing right beside me. With a cold rush of a breeze and a sprinkle of rain, that run becomes magical, beautiful, and in its simplest form it is more gorgeous than any movement could ever be. For that hour, I do not worry about what has to be done, I'm not fearful of how busy the day might be; I find myself again in those runs, listening to that music that inspires me and nothing but me and the path. I know exaclty who I am in that moment and it soothes every inch of me, that run is something that calms me, that lets me search inside myself, and that shows me how wonderful life is right now. The beauty in that place, in that movement, in that hour of my day, shows me that life is perfect at the moment and I could want nothing more.

a part of me

Who knew this city would become such a part of me, who knew I'd adjust this well? For all that fear and apprehension is gone, I feel like the city has become a part of me that will always be there, the beautiful lights, the waterfront, the gorgeous colors of the trees, the brilliant leaves falling all around me. This city has become a place that has given everything to me, how could I not love it? My life is perfect here, I have everything I've always dreamed of having. I have someone who cares, brilliant friends, family not too far away, a place that I can escape the chaos and just write, moments every day where this city just leaves me in awe at it's brilliance. This city has given me everything and more yet how can I repay her? I have become a part of it, the brilliance and the serenity of the city, it is a part of me these days and I often just look out my window, smile and think to myself, what more could I ever need in life?

*Inside Our Souls*

It is in strength that we find our weaknesses and in our losses that we find hope. Life takes things from us, some lose more than others but in the end isn't it nice to know that those that love us will come to our aid no matter what that may end up being? And petty things make us selfish, but really in the big scope of things we need only those closest to us to survive and only our strength and perserverance and faith to keep us going, to keep us living. Life will always put obstacles in our way, it is how we handle those obstacles that shows who we are, how we view the world and treat those around us, it shows our true character and who we truly are inside our souls.

*Tonight*

Tonight my world begins again, tonight the storm clouds cease to exist and the stormy seas will calm the world. Tonight all is right again and my dreams become real once again. My heart will leap and my soul will be soothed, I will never be cold again. Tonight all my hope is restored and my prayers are answered. Tonight my world begins again, my trust more whole than ever before and my reality entering a dream world as tonight moves closer. This is a dream, it's our dream. And tonight my world begins again, tonight the storm clouds cease to exist and the stormy seas will calm the world for tonight is perfect, because tonight, you return to me.

More Perfect Than a Dream

There are moments when I know my journey is already begun, times when I know I'm really living the life I'm supposed to live. And that journey is my guide, my road towards that place I'm supposed to be someday. There are moments when I don't know how I could be any happier, there are times when I don't know how life could be any better. Every day I wake up and go to bed smiling, it's like a dream, a reality that never ends and that keeps getting better each and every day that I live it. This life we're living is like a dream, it's like we've entered the gates of Heaven, living and breathing together still. I know this journey is just beginning, but I can feel it in my heart and in my soul that this is real, that this is where we are supposed to be. Something deeper belongs to us, something cherished and holy, unlike those other feelings of others. We have a deeper bond, a stronger connection than perhaps anyone else could ever have. There are moments when I can't remember ever feeling like this and there are times when I know my journey has already begun, when I know that I'm living right where I'm supposed to be. We are living a dream and capturing a reality that is even more perfect than a dream.

Where Our Souls Can Rest

As the clouds move across the sky,

And the sun is setting over the hills behind me,

I sit in my favorite spot in the world.

Here with the river in front of me,

And the sun at my back,

The sounds surround me and pull me in.

I am completely calm,

Completely tranquil in this moment.

This bench, these trees, this moment

Are engrained in my memory, in my soul,

And I can always come here to find comfort,

My soul will always be comforted here,

My sins absolved,

And my heart put back together.

Into the sky; the birds soar and the clouds

Move off into the distance,

And in a single instance,

Everything I see becomes something more,

It exists beyond this world and becomes a moment

Of the utmost sincerity,

Covered in truth,

Covered in reflection of a world that we all want,

An Eden of pure and honest construction,

And of a Heaven where our souls can rest.

My Nails Aren't Black

It's a brand new day, a beautiful morning outside and the day awaiting us to grasp it, to grab it and run, enjoy every minute of it. This morning I am refreshed, awake and ready to seize the day. Perhaps a day at the riverfront, writing my heart out or perhaps a long walk through the city, anything is possible today. The world is so gorgeous and it's only the beginning of where we can go. Today I am thrilled, life is fabulous, magnificent and holy, so I will seize the day, perhaps go to mass tonight. And by the way, don't worry, my nails aren't black after all. I am happy, content, thrilled to be alive and here, waiting for Sunday.

i don't really know what this post is...

i feel strange tonight, lonely in the city with the lights shining down around me while i feel like mine is dark. i feel like painting my nails black, i feel like going to the riverfront but it's dark, i shouldn't. i feel like writing but it's making me feel even lonlier, even stranger so perhaps i should stop for tonight though i don't want to, i love it so much, i can't help it. but the city is dampening tonight, strange somehow, not so welcoming tonight. i feel lonely longing for your voice, wishing you were here. i feel strange tonight, wondering, praying, wishing, though none of it seems to calm me tonight. it's odd the way i feel, though my writing seems to make it better somehow. i don't know, i feel strange tonight, lonely and anxious, i will hear your voice soon enough but i just miss the comfort of it today. i feel like painting my nails black, maybe i will and i guess i'll just keep on writing, it is the only thing that soothes this feeling inside.

losing my dreams and beginning again

The sound of the breeze outside is pulling toward that time of evening,
the smell of the sunset is lingering on the wind,
and I can almost taste the sounds of the sun setting over the river.
Life seems peaceful at the moment,
and the windows portray a freedom that many attempt to gain,
but few will ever find.
That peace is more than a freedom,
it is a passion, a prayer, and a moment in time where life stops,
where time begins again,
and where new dreams are realized.
The breeze outside soothes me,
it pulls me in as that sweet evening drifts toward me,
and my heart is suddenly freed from every notion of hurt,
from every tear I've ever cried,
and from all my dreams that have been lost.

*BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN*

It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday I din't know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by

But I will try
I will try

Wipe the tears from my eyes
I'm beautifully broken
And I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully broken
And I don't care if I show it
Everyday is a new day
I'm reminded of the past
Every timet there's another storm
I know that it won't last
Every moment I'm filled with hope cause I got another chance

But I will try
I will try

Got nothing
Left to hide
Without the highs and the lows
Where would we go
Where would we go

conquering over my insecurities

trust has become an interesting issue in my life, i have trusted people completely, only to have them let me down in the end and i have kept trust from others, never letting them inside my heart. though i am finding it much easier these days to trust and that openness is conquering over my insecurities. i trust my heart these days and i have never been so honest with anyone, not even myself. i have gained back a part of my heart that i thought was lost, that trust that i kept away, locked inside my heart is now back and is conquering over my insecurities.

*i'm bitter, very bitter*

i can't believe i didn't make that list, i can't believe all i've said to you was just thrown away. it hurts me to know that's what you think of me, it makes me angry that i was pushed aside, thrown to the side as others were placed in front, when you know nothing of who they truly are. don't i mean more to you than that? obviously not, obviously i'm replaceable to you and i guess this has opened my eyes. i am angry, saddened, hurt by the words you've said to me, whether out of jealousy, rage or pure irony, saying them in the wrong times, in the wrong places, it doesn't matter anymore. can't you just be happy for us, for me? can't you just see that i am so content, the happiest i've been in many many years? can't that be enough, why do you have to put that down? and on top of that, how did i not make that list, that hurt me however innocent it began. that list was so ironic to me, that those are the ones that you treasure as friends. but let me ask you this, how many times have they been there when you've fallen? how many hours have you spent talking to them? how many times have they given up giving you advice? and how long has it been since you've actually talked to them?