she could ever give.....

What is it that makes people cheat and lie, for it only hurts those around them... here is to all those people that have been hurt and for a special friend (B) who deserves more than she could ever give...

She Could Ever Give

Your voice is calming, soothing,

And your tears hurt me, I feel your pain.

For you don’t deserve what she did,

How she hurt you, it’s not fair to you.

You deserve more, something better,

Someone better,

She hurt you, she left you, she betrayed you.

You do not need her,

You will live on a better life without her,

And you’ll do great things, I know you will.

She is not who you thought she was,

And her faults are not yours,

They are not worthy of you,

And she is not deserving to have you.

She hurt you, caused you pain, and cares nothing of you,

You do not need her to be the man you are,

Believe in yourself, your confidence, your pride,

Because you are everything you are even without her,

And you deserve to have more than she could ever give.

Casey's Still Here!

As I just finished painting my nails a pale shade of pink, I looked down at them and smiled. I did not just smile because they are finally done, as I have been wanting to paint them for about 4 days now and kept forgetting, but also because I realized something that more than amused me. For the past week or so I have been a bit out of my comfort zone, feeling the urge to paint my nails black, listening to punk and rock music, and doing whatever the hell I want. However, as I was just painting my nails I realized that I am still me, my nails are pink not black and my life is still my life, no better or worse than before, but reflecting me and who I am at this point in my life. But as well, these past few weeks have also taught me something very important... because by feeling that urge and need to be something I'm not, for example painting my nails black and listening to music that I never would have before, I have found out that that still is a part of me, somewhere inside of me. And no matter how small that part of me is, I experienced it full force and I enjoyed it. But I'm back, so all of you that have that part of you urging you to experience new things, open your minds and find out a little more about yourself, do it. Because I promise you'll learn more from it than you'll lose! And to all of you who laughed and were shocked by what I was doing, even if I never fully painted my nails black, I'm back too and this time I think it's for good. I'm me and no one else, no better or worse, but a little different and now I know a little more about myself with a new perspective on that part of me. But don't worry... Casey's still here!

~~only one~~

Here I go... scream my lungs out and try to get to you, you are my only one. I let go and there's no one, no one like you, you are my only, my only one... my only, my only, my only one....

~~casey

I apologize from the bottom of my heart.....

I'm sorry, let me just say that. I wish that this would be different, that our lives would not have ventured in seperate ways. I miss you, I miss being around you and experiencing all those amazing moments with you that we always have enjoyed so much. I was afraid that by staying close with you, you would be scared of that distance and that you would pull away. But instead it was me, I pulled away when I shouldn't have. What we had was special, you were my best friend and a girl who I learned an enormous amount from. Thank you for that.... and once again may I say that I'm sorry because I truly am. So now I am going to do what I should've done weeks ago, I will talk to you and only because I am ashamed of losing our bond, our friendship. I'm sorry and I miss you more than you'll ever know... Thank you for being that girl that I shared a huge part of my life with, for you were the one who changed my opinions of the world and who shared a story with me... for you truly are inspiring and your the best friend I ever could have had.... thank you.

~~casey

You are fabulous....

How do we know that our hearts will ever fully recover after we leave those we love? The answer to that is simple and concrete... we don't. The truth is we don't ever recover, not fully any way. And it is that hardship that takes us days, months, even years to get over. When I left Medford, my heart was broken, literally, and I cried so many tears for those people that I was leaving behind, for my home that I might not see again, and for that place that sheltered and loved me for a huge part of my life. I will never forget those people there and every night I pray that those people that are the closest to me now will not forget me or leave our friendship behind, because I am scared that they will. Leaving is something that I've perfected, at least in a sense. Two times in my life I have had to leave everything I know behind... moving on as my parents would like to call it, and telling me that I'll get over it. Some people never experience having to leave that place you call home and believe me, it is harder than hard... it is excruciating. Both times my heart tore into a thousand pieces and my life has been ripped away from me. ANd in that instance as I drove away... my car full of things that suddenly didn't matter anymore, I watched my life flash behind me and my eyes filled with tears. I will never forget that 3 hour trip, as I drove away from those that I loved and those that I felt the closest to. For days I hated everything I could... choosing to stay silent instead of speaking, choosing to cry instead of laugh and through that my heart hardened and I was able to at least move on a bit. Though now my heart is softened again because of people that I have stayed in contact with; people that have inspired me to live the life that I am supposed to live, to be Casey again. So I guess what I've realized in the past few weeks is that life takes you places that you are supposed to go and it is our duty as humans to follow that path. YEs, moving did break my heart and saying goodbye to those people that meant the most to me in the world made me feel like I had nothing left. Though the people that truly are my truest friends, the ones that push me and the ones that make me feel better just because I talk to them. The friends that just call me at random times and make me laugh; that tell me to be myself because that's the best I can be and that inspire me because they are so strong and caring and confident in themselves. Those friends, that friend, have been an amazing comfort to me while I have been wandering and scattered in thoughts about my life lately. So thank you, to you that make me smile, that make me laugh and that make me a better person for knowing you. You mean the world to me and in that I can erase all those tears, all those days of silence and all those moments when I thought the world had stopped. So I have realized that yes, moving is incredibly hard, torturous at times, because every emotion that you have is ripped away from you and replaced with tears, but now I see that life is built on those broken emotions. And those emotions are what build the people we become and keep us living. Though for me, my emotions were rebuilt because of a few very special people in my life. Thank you for inspiring me to be better than I ever knew I could be... you are fabulous and have inspired me more than you'll ever know!

~~~Case

Take a chance...

Life is weird... fabulous, intense, and intriguing! And if you had the chance to do something; something outrageous and very out of the ordinary, would you? Would you take the leap, take the risk and go for it, or would simply say that it's not worth it. To tell you the truth I don't know what I would do... though I would like to think I would take the chance... at least at this point in my life I think that I would. I at least hope that I would consider it and give it a chance. Because for now I think that living without ever experiencing things just to experience them is not really living. I hope that I can take a chance... and that others will take a chance with me. Life is too short to give up on those things we've always wanted to do, those things that we've always dreamed about. So go out and take a chance, on something, on someone and just live the life that you want. Becasue in a few years, we'll look back and wish we would've done this or that and that's not good to live that way. So take a chance, live your life and dream with all you have!

... what I want you to know....

The English poet, Edward Young once said, “There is something about poetry beyond the logic of prose, there is mystery in it, not to be explained, but admired.” And in saying this he wrote what every poet wants their readers to know. Poetry is something that cannot be explained logically and not all poems are supposed to be logical. There are some that I write that I don’t even really know what all of it means, though it comes from my heart and I write it down, expressing my emotions. Sometimes poetry is different than that which you expect, poets grow, learn, live and through that maturing their poetry changes. My poetry has changed tremendously from when I first began writing, but in that change it is still me sitting here writing to you, just a more mature version. I have experienced more than I ever had when I began writing, and therefore my writing has matured as I have. It has grown and lost its innocence, though keeping its soul and the original heart. Please realize that it is still me sitting here and writing yet another edition of my poetry, it’s me, no one else, though I have changed and in that, I have grown and learned more about the world, more about human emotions and how they shape us; for emotion is an incredible piece of all of us.

This is precisely why I have titled this edition of poetry, “Emotions.” In the last few months of my life I have experienced so many new and different emotions, emotions I was not used to but that I have come to find intriguing. What we all feel is totally different, our emotions though, are all the same. And as James A. Michener once said, “I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions,” this is exactly why writing exists. In writing we can all express our deepest emotions to the world, somehow freeing ourselves in that escape. And to see those emotions hit someone else when they read from your words on that page is a fabulous feeling. To show someone else how you feel and have them feel that too is extraordinary. Emotion is a deep part of the human existence and it is makes us who we are.

When I see someone feel emotion from my poems, when someone cries or laughs or smiles, that is the best feeling in the world. And in that moment alone, I as a poet, am fulfilled and completed, for I have done my job, gushing my emotions onto the page for you to read and judge, whether good or bad, it doesn’t matter. Because honestly, all a poet wants to do is hand you emotion on a silver platter and hope you react to it. I don’t care if you hate my writing or if you love it, that’s not the point at all… all I want to do is to write and have you understand what I’m saying and to accept that writing isn’t always logical. When I craft words, I’m not thinking straight forwardly like prose, poetry is something entirely different and all it is, is my heart in words and what I feel inside.

Roger Ebert once said, “Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you,” expressing my point exactly: that human emotion is exactly what I aim for as a poet, hoping to reach you on that level because it is the most truthful. So all I want you to know about me and my poetry is that emotion is what I try to hit when I write and if I evoke a response, whether good or bad, predictable or shocking, I have done my job and I am completed in that. Thomas Gray said, “Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn,” repeating my point. Emotion is the deepest place that we can touch another person and in that we are freed from our bondages, whatever they may be. And even though words might hurt occasionally, they might burn or sting, but in the end, they are just words and that is the point of the human experience, to be able to feel that hurt because then you know you are truly living.

I have gone through so much in my mind and heart in the past few months of my life and through it all I have people that I can stand against, people with a shoulder to cry on, to hand me a tissue to dry my eyes. And you are all a part of that, you are those people that I love and I appreciate so much what you do for me, each and every one of you has touched me in a very unique and extraordinary way. I have also learned who my true friends are and they have been fabulous and deserve to be thanked as well. As a teenager and young adult, there are so many emotions that we don’t think we’re ready for, but when you experience them they are exceptional and thrilling and addictive. I am so glad that I’ve met all those that I’ve met and that I’ve loved all that I’ve loved, because everyone in my life is completely inspiring. I will always remember you and I hope that I have touched you in some way, whether in person or even just through my writing because that is my deepest goal.

So remember that I love you all from the bottom of my heart, you truly are amazing people and I am blessed to have you near me and in my life. And your experiences are what inspire me to write, what inspire me to feel what you feel and to grasp those emotions you have, emotions I haven’t experienced as of yet. As Charles Simic once wrote, “Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never equal the experience behind them,” please realize that not all my words come from experience, and there is no possible way that I could always express that exact feeling that is in my heart at that moment. Very often, there is more ecstasy in silence than in words, though in silence we may find peace, we will never find redemption and salvation. For me, I find more ecstasy in words where I can express how I feel and hope that the world will react, whether good or bad.

Casey

A Surreal Peace...

A Surreal Peace

In a bed full of roses, orchids and palms,

There is a surreal peace that is captured,

A second of distress is relieved,

And she can only hear the beat of her own heart,

Amongst the fumes of the flowers,

And the scents of the undergrowth beneath her.

There are voices that want to be heard,

But she can only hear her own,

Only her whispers and sighs are caught in her mind,

And no one can tell her she is dying,

Wasting away into the night;

Lying with her flowers, her fauna, her foliage,

And only if she would listen to her heart,

Perhaps those scents would stay,

Perhaps those fumes wouldn’t fade.

And if she would realize her fate,

She might be able to stop her restless destiny,

And capture a moment,

An innocence, a memory.

Though in her bed full of roses, orchids and palms,

She has more faith than she has ever had,

A belief as strong as it’s ever been,

And a heart as brilliant as it e’er could be.

So before she tells him goodbye,

She might only wish to stay inside that scent,

And feed herself and her soul on that fauna,

Capturing all of its innocence and illusion,

And die at peace with herself and the world around her.

Perhaps this is the safest way to take a life,

Though perhaps it is the holiest,

To go in your own time and space,

In a place where the magic of life is at its strongest,

And where she finds the enchantment of her own heart.

Perhaps it is there in a bed of roses, orchids, and palms,

That she finds the most peace;

And in that moment when her fate completely takes over her,

She will know that those whispers she heard herself say,

And those scents she first knew,

Were the things that overtook her,

And she will know that a surreal peace was truly captured.

Friends....

Let me just say that my friends are fabulous!!! You know who you are... one calls me "bug," haha, one knows my entire life story haha, and one knows my taste in music better than I do and tells me how short to have my hair... hahaah... you guys are the best!!!!!

Luv,
your wife, sweetheart, and your baby, haha ..... case