How do we know that our hearts will ever fully recover after we leave those we love? The answer to that is simple and concrete... we don't. The truth is we don't ever recover, not fully any way. And it is that hardship that takes us days, months, even years to get over. When I left Medford, my heart was broken, literally, and I cried so many tears for those people that I was leaving behind, for my home that I might not see again, and for that place that sheltered and loved me for a huge part of my life. I will never forget those people there and every night I pray that those people that are the closest to me now will not forget me or leave our friendship behind, because I am scared that they will. Leaving is something that I've perfected, at least in a sense. Two times in my life I have had to leave everything I know behind... moving on as my parents would like to call it, and telling me that I'll get over it. Some people never experience having to leave that place you call home and believe me, it is harder than hard... it is excruciating. Both times my heart tore into a thousand pieces and my life has been ripped away from me. ANd in that instance as I drove away... my car full of things that suddenly didn't matter anymore, I watched my life flash behind me and my eyes filled with tears. I will never forget that 3 hour trip, as I drove away from those that I loved and those that I felt the closest to. For days I hated everything I could... choosing to stay silent instead of speaking, choosing to cry instead of laugh and through that my heart hardened and I was able to at least move on a bit. Though now my heart is softened again because of people that I have stayed in contact with; people that have inspired me to live the life that I am supposed to live, to be Casey again. So I guess what I've realized in the past few weeks is that life takes you places that you are supposed to go and it is our duty as humans to follow that path. YEs, moving did break my heart and saying goodbye to those people that meant the most to me in the world made me feel like I had nothing left. Though the people that truly are my truest friends, the ones that push me and the ones that make me feel better just because I talk to them. The friends that just call me at random times and make me laugh; that tell me to be myself because that's the best I can be and that inspire me because they are so strong and caring and confident in themselves. Those friends, that friend, have been an amazing comfort to me while I have been wandering and scattered in thoughts about my life lately. So thank you, to you that make me smile, that make me laugh and that make me a better person for knowing you. You mean the world to me and in that I can erase all those tears, all those days of silence and all those moments when I thought the world had stopped. So I have realized that yes, moving is incredibly hard, torturous at times, because every emotion that you have is ripped away from you and replaced with tears, but now I see that life is built on those broken emotions. And those emotions are what build the people we become and keep us living. Though for me, my emotions were rebuilt because of a few very special people in my life. Thank you for inspiring me to be better than I ever knew I could be... you are fabulous and have inspired me more than you'll ever know!
~~~Case
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