damn summer

You know, when I set out this evening preparing to make a new post, finding my inspiration to write about, I had a totally different state of mind, a totally different attitude on what is coming up soon in my life and I had a very negative outlook (to put it gently). Until one small moment as I emerged from a bubble bath and was met with a kiss and a dove dark chocolate. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason and no matter how small or insignficant it may seem, sometimes all we need is a little reminder or something that will push us forward to where we need to go, give us a little hint of guidance. For me, tonight my little reminder that ended up changing my mind completely was a Dove dark chocolate candy wrapper and inside it said "don't think about it so much." This particular statement shocked me, because for the last twenty minutes or so during my bubble bath I had been comptemplating the next few months. They are going to be extremely hard for me, I know that ahead of time. For the next couple months, the boy I love with everything I have will not be here with me. I won't see him everyday and I won't have him here beside me, to hold me or wake up next to. He will be five hours away and in a place that I could still be going home to if something had not changed my fate.

But after that candy wrapper, I realized that I can't think about it so much and I have to embrace the good. I will still see him, that is better than nothing I suppose. And I kknow we'll both make an effort to be together, even if we're not in the same place. It works, people do it and love survives. I know we'll be alright, we'll makke it through and keep our love alive. He is my life, my everything, the love of my life and I will see it through until we are back together again. That candy wrapper taught me something tonight, it showed me that thinking about it doesn't do anything, it only makes me feel worse in the end. IT showed me that this summer will help both of grow as well as making ourr love grow stronger.

And just now as I looked back and saw him on my bed as he doesn't even know I'm writing about him, he has no idea how much this summer is going to kill me inside, how many nnights I'll cry, how many days I'll live wishing he was here beside me. But I'll make it, no matter what I have to go through to make it, I'll make it, we'll make it. I am just warning ahead of time, I'm going to try to make the best of this,, but it's going to be hard no doubt. I knwo I'll cry, I'll scream, I'll sit alone in the dark and write my heart out just to stay sane. So my love, I might break a bit, chip off a piece of myself or two, but I'll still be here when you get back, and we'll be better than we've ever been, I promise with all my heart and soul. I'm yours, I always will be.