time to grow up yet still hold on a little

I'm sorry I've been gone
for a while. It's been so long since I've been home,
alone with you, with all of you.
I feel almost like I've abandoned you,
like I've left a piece of myself there and
that's good enough.
I've left the pictures and the bed, the few clothes
in the closet and I've acted as if that's good enough,
like that makes up for me not being there through all this.

It's been hard for me to find a balance
witih all l have up here, with more family,
friends and love.
It seems like I was being pulled so hard
to find my own life, taking advice to move on,
become my own person,
on my own.
And yet, I know you probably think I believe
my life here is more important than you,
but I know it's not... it's just reality.
It's just me growing up, moving on.

I'm sorry I've been away so long,
life got too busy and I failed to see where I was,
and neglected you, your lives, my old life there with you.
I became my own person, but perhaps at the expense of
us, all of us.

I promise that will change,
I promise soon I'll be a part of it again,
soon I'll be there to hold all of your hands,
to walk with you and lend a helping piece of advice.
Soon the wait will be over,
and my life will be part of yours, ours, once again.

*Sometimes it seems so hard when we are being pulled one way to grow up and be on our own and yet then on the other hand we feel like we have to stay and be with the family we grew up in, almost like they need us there. But I've learned that you can't stay there forever, you have to grow up no matter who it hurts or who it helps. We all have to face the reality that someday we can't rely on mom and dad, someday we have to whither away those chains and turn them into strings that still attacch but aren't so prominant and violently addictive. Sometimes all we need is to find a balance, become ourselves, grow up on our own and hold onto those strings when it's needed and all will be alright.