overwhelmed and scared~ welcome to my moment

We go through life just hoping to make it to the next milestone. Hoping that our weddings will truly last forever, hoping that the person we fall in love with at 19 is the person that will make us smile for the rest of our lives. We meet people and then lose them, we lose people to death and to distance and tears, so many tears will fall from our eyes as we go through our lives. Even here and now, tears fall from my own eyes, not quite sure what mourning they are taking but sure enough that it all means something. We get in routines, in ruts, in times when tears are all we have. And we have to let them fall... tear drop stained pages of our lives are what will make the most impact in the time we have here.

I am the lucky one, I am the one that truly has nothing to complain about, though I've had my fair share of tears. I've never lost someone to death that I'm extremely close to, never watched someone leave our realm. I know of those that have lost brothers to accidents, boyfriends to stupidity, girlfriends to something totally out of our control, mothers and fathers to sickness, friends to drugs, alcohol and so much more. And I can't imagine the hurt it would cause me, the pain that I would endure by losing someone close to me. I don't think I would make it through the same as I am, I don't think I could handle that. And every day that something reminded you of them would kill you all over again. I honestly don't think I would recover, I don't think my eyes would be able to even cry anymore, for even that emotion would be too overwhelming to me.

And then we come to talk of the end. The end of life, the end of a love, the end of an era. Tonight, something ended, something that had a great deal of meaning to me. Something that has many memories rooted in my past, friends I've lost both to distance, contact, and to greater things like drugs and lives that are rocking on the edge. Tonight, it is not just a tv show that is gone, tonight it's an era that is gone forever. Tonight, something that I remember growing up to is gone, something that I could relate to, something that so many of us could relate to is gone. It's almost as if I lost a friend tonight,

But then again, life goes on. Sometimes we find that the ending is also a new beginning... sometimes that boy we fall in love with at 19 really is the one we will want to spend the rest of our lives with. Somtimes the people we lost become more a part of us than those that are around us. Sometimes all we need is to cry a little, give a little and then move on. Sometimes life gets too overwhelming and there's no one to hear our cries for help. Sometimes we need to just breathe, slow down and stop for a moment. And as a very smart character named Carrie once said," I've done the merri go round, I've done the revolving door, I've finally found someone I want to stand still with. Will you stand still with me for a moment?" So here I am, asking the same question,

"Will you keep me as I am, hold me tight when I cry, and love me no matter what? Will you take a moment to stand still with me and hear my cries?"

I love you... and I hope you can always love me too.