not only a dream

As I sit here and the sun is setting behind the trees and behind the clouds that soothed me today, I can see the leaves slowly changing colors outside. It's this time of year that truly makes feel myself, it's the way the leaves fall, the rain falling and the memories of love that get me right now. And in all honesty, as I take a moment to rest right now, after finishing up another quarter at school, it seems only natural to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that I can actually breathe and rest now, for a little while at least.

And as I look back, this has been one of the most trying quarters for me at school and at life. I went through a lot in my personal life in the last ten weeks and in school it was especially difficult getting everything done. I'm at a point right now where I just want to learn, and that in itself, I think tells me that this is exactly what I want to do with my life. You know, I said to Nick the other day, "I love my school and I love what I'm doing," and he remarked back, "You're really lucky that you can say that because not that many people can say that." And that makes me smile, even here and now because he's right, I've found so much in the past couple of years that many people search for for a lifetime. In the past two years, I have found the love of my life, a boy who I've watched become a young man, a man that takes care of me, that loves me unconditionally and more than I ever thought I could be loved and a man that I know will never let me down. My love for him today is the strongest its ever been and it only continues to grow each and every day we are together. I have found a school and passion in my life that I can continue doing that I love. I found something that I want to do for the rest of my life and I love doing it. I have met people that have changed me, friends that I will keep for the rest of my life, friends that know me and respect me for who I am. I've lost a lot of people that were important in my life, and I've lost family to death and to distance in the past few months.

But through it all, I've learned the most about myself and looking back to this time two years ago, I've changed almost every part of myself and my life and it's all for the better. I am a different person than I was back then, I am a more mature, sophisticated, confident and well rounded person than I was, and in the past two years, not only have i found a dream for my future, but I've found a reality that can make that future come true.