Remember

Remember me? I'm the one you love, the one that loves pink and dark chocolate m and m's. I'm the one that has your heart, the one that loves Paris in the fall and the one that dreams of living abroad. I'm the one that hears your tears, the one that lives here instead of where I used to, the one that giggles while talking to Abby online and the one that every once in a while, makes you smile. I'm the one that would listen to your story for hours, the one that listens to Christmas music in September, and the one that painted your bathroom green.

Remember me? I'm back and here to stay, I love you and no one else, more than words will ever begin to be able to say. I'm here, and always will be. Always remember that.

*waiting for hope*

some people never cease to disappoint me... over and over again.

* a poem *

Cycle the Seasons

Some leaves may fall as we walk,
Limbs and branches in the golden sky above,
But that is just what the earth has to do,
What the Heavens command each time this year,
Each time before the winter hits.

The leaves cleanse themselves and fall,
Just as we must go through a period of falling
In order to regain the strength to grow again.
I have been falling lately, just like the leaves,
Lost, confused, and estranged,
Just like the golden leaves hanging out the window.
Yet in the end, we all must fall in order to grow again,
So we are leaves,
Falling and growing as the Heavens cycle the seasons
Around us.

woman

Trapped in a faith that no one else believes in. Wrapped in a wrath no one sees coming, underneath water five fathoms deep. Drowning in a love she cannot have, lost in a lust that rules her. Watching over everyone else at the expense of herself, she cannot have the desire that once was hers. Cured in the waters of Hell and locked in prayer that the world condemns. Alone in the dark with only a darker light to guide the way, in rain that never seems to stop, in life that never ceases to drain her. She is more than I, more than you, she is a living breath and a woman. She is that woman that we all are, that faith we all believe in yet few seem to grasp. She is the love we will never have, the lust that rules us all for something better. She is the darkest of the darkness and the brightest of the light. She is Heaven and Hell, she is each and every one of us women out there, wrestling with the good and the bad, with the lust and the love, with what's right and what's wrong. And in the end, she is deeper than oceans five fathoms deep and making choices we all must make. So may God guide us in this darkest of quest.

Stormy Weather

Do you really know my name anymore or is it just a moment on the tip of your tongue that slips away? You do not love me like you used to, you do not know the way I live or who I am or how I am so lost. You don't even whisper to me when I am in trouble, nor to you turn aside from him to see me. You do not measure up to the woman you used to be or come close to being the mother I once knew and loved. I feel like nothing in your presence and I feel like sand that you pick up and toss around just to humor yourself. No more am I your daughter, no more do I lend you this respect. I am lost, I am questioning, I am finding who I can trust and who I cannot. I am no longer who you thought I was, that much is clear. So wrapped in guilt, so hidden by fear, you stay there in your little shell you've created, rather he's created, and you say nothing, do nothing. But here I am, your only and eldest daughter, your friend, your beloved first child, your blood and I am here, holding on to nothing but myself on this cold autumn night. I am here, lost, lonely and afraid and when a child needs her mother most, you are not here. But in reality, you haven't been here for a long while, you have abandoned your child when she needs you the most. I am lost, misplaced and an orphan against the sea of storms heading my way. Do you dare turn away from me again, dear mother have I not been through enough of these storms? Must I bear ahead once more, all alone? I cannot take the rain anymore.