Drifting

I feel a distance drifting in,
and the things we used to be
are drifting away.

It's been days since you've held me,
and weeks since we've just been us,
and I'm starting to fade.

Sometimes we have to say no to protect what we love,
sometimes we must figure out how to stay alive
while we keep the ones we love in our lives.

I feel a distance settling in,
and the things I loved are falling away,
and so am I.

Hold on to me, give me your time,
and find a way to keep me,
because this distance is pulling me away.

*getting through*

I got to thinking about life today, about how busy we get and how when we're little, no one tells you about all the things that really pose the most challenges in our lives as we get older. No one tells you that people will let you down most of the time, that lovers will break your heart when you did nothing wrong, that friends will fall short of expectations, that it will be hard to keep in touch with everyone that you should. No one tells you that you will have to learn to stand on your own or you will fall, or that at some point you will have to find that fine line between work and relationships, between family and friends, and between living your dreams and paying the rent.

And as we grow up, we find our own little niches in this world and we get on how we can and we meet people and we fall in love and we start our own adult lives and then all these things suddenly come into play. Suddenly we have to find out who those true friends are and mold that life we want while keeping everything in balance too. And not only is it life and school and work and relationships that we have to keep in balance, but it's ourselves that we must look after as well.

I find myself so much of the time running from school to work to dinner and then home to get enough sleep. And it's been so long since I've just wandered the city streets, since I've sat for hours writing at the riverfront. ANd those are things that used to keep me together but much like my future career calls "value engineering," we must also in our lives, weed out what we don't time for, things that, while we love them, can't be part of our routine anymore. And while I miss them, I realize at the same time that sometimes we find new things that have that meaning to us. Things like staying home with a lover, going out with girlfriends, working on something that is your passion... those things now become the things that shape who I am and they get me through.

And while we grow up, we might find out that some people let you down, that some will never fit into your life again and that some will never understand who you become, but you will always have those people in your closest circle of family and friends. You will always have that one girl that you have wacky nicknames with, that one love that leaves you sweet little notes, that one girl that brings out the craziness in you, the one guy that has held your hand every step of the way and that family that while they may be crazy and irrational, will always hold your best interests at heart and be proud of you. And along the way, you will always have that relationship with yourself that you have molded along the way.

We must remember though as well, we must find time for our old selves and our new selves, and find a space right in the middle. We must keep our priorities in line and remember who we used to be to become who we want to be. We must live our dreams but not compromise our relationships, we must keep our friends but go on our own path. And above all else, we must always keep that faith in the smallest of things that we always used to believe. It's that faith in the tiniest of moments that will get us through the hardest years of our lives.

You'll Be Home

Sometimes when we reach that point where we know that life will continue on, but it won't be the same without that other person, we get lonely when they're gone. And while I reached that point yesterday, while I missed you like crazy and while I miss the ordinary with you, I also know that no matter how far apart we are, nothing changes what we are and how much we love each other. There are times when we'll be apart and there will be times when I will get a little lonely a few days in because I'm missing you and our life together, but because you're you and I'm me, I know that no matter how far apart we may be and how long we might be alone on the other end, I'll always love you and I'll always miss your touch,your smell and your warmth.

It's important to be alone sometimes, and it's important to feel that sensation that only you feel when you're totally alone but it's also nice to know that while the bed may feel a little bigger when you're gone, it sure is nice to know you'll be coming home soon. It's that comfort in knowing that in just a few days all will be back to normal. So I think that it's important to have a few days to be able to get everything done, to be able to relax and enjoy that time on your own, but know in the back of your mind that tomorrow, you'll be home.