*getting through*

I got to thinking about life today, about how busy we get and how when we're little, no one tells you about all the things that really pose the most challenges in our lives as we get older. No one tells you that people will let you down most of the time, that lovers will break your heart when you did nothing wrong, that friends will fall short of expectations, that it will be hard to keep in touch with everyone that you should. No one tells you that you will have to learn to stand on your own or you will fall, or that at some point you will have to find that fine line between work and relationships, between family and friends, and between living your dreams and paying the rent.

And as we grow up, we find our own little niches in this world and we get on how we can and we meet people and we fall in love and we start our own adult lives and then all these things suddenly come into play. Suddenly we have to find out who those true friends are and mold that life we want while keeping everything in balance too. And not only is it life and school and work and relationships that we have to keep in balance, but it's ourselves that we must look after as well.

I find myself so much of the time running from school to work to dinner and then home to get enough sleep. And it's been so long since I've just wandered the city streets, since I've sat for hours writing at the riverfront. ANd those are things that used to keep me together but much like my future career calls "value engineering," we must also in our lives, weed out what we don't time for, things that, while we love them, can't be part of our routine anymore. And while I miss them, I realize at the same time that sometimes we find new things that have that meaning to us. Things like staying home with a lover, going out with girlfriends, working on something that is your passion... those things now become the things that shape who I am and they get me through.

And while we grow up, we might find out that some people let you down, that some will never fit into your life again and that some will never understand who you become, but you will always have those people in your closest circle of family and friends. You will always have that one girl that you have wacky nicknames with, that one love that leaves you sweet little notes, that one girl that brings out the craziness in you, the one guy that has held your hand every step of the way and that family that while they may be crazy and irrational, will always hold your best interests at heart and be proud of you. And along the way, you will always have that relationship with yourself that you have molded along the way.

We must remember though as well, we must find time for our old selves and our new selves, and find a space right in the middle. We must keep our priorities in line and remember who we used to be to become who we want to be. We must live our dreams but not compromise our relationships, we must keep our friends but go on our own path. And above all else, we must always keep that faith in the smallest of things that we always used to believe. It's that faith in the tiniest of moments that will get us through the hardest years of our lives.