little left to give

Sometimes I sit here and try to remember how we used to be. Sometimes I try and pretend that I'm 18 again, and sometimes I look at old pictures of us to try and feel how that used to feel. These days, I feel in stages. I feel so happy for such a time and then again and again, I end up here again, feeling lost, betrayed, disappointed and above all, so deeply hurt, over and over again. I keep trying to convince myself that we're right, that our relationship is as perfect as it seems on the outside to all those people in our lives, but then inside, my heart is breaking each and every day, with everything that I put up with, all the little things that sting over and over again.

Somewhere deep in my heart, I still believe that we are those two kids that fell in love, but somewhere deep in my mind, I don't know that we are. Every time we try again, start over, begin again, there is a new hurt, a new disappointment. Each and every time you promise me one more time, one more chance, I give up another piece of the soul I have left. And each and every time, I have little and little left to give.