It's that first fall day when it's cold enough for the winter scarves instead of the summer ones. And it's days like this that I dreamt of all last year, dreaming of being home in the fall, of being back with the one person who means more to me than anyone else, being home, feeling whole, feeling at peace. So why is it that here I am, all those things come true and still I am searching for more? Why is it that when we finally get what we need, what we want, that we then need something else?
I look outside today, at the cold blue sky, no grey in sight today, and I feel the cool fall breeze through the open window beside me, and I feel changed, I feel different than I perhaps ever have. I feel calm and suddenly at ease, I feel exhausted but ready to take on the next challenge. I'm at another point in my life where I don't know what comes next. All I know is that I know who I am, I know what I believe in and I know that I won't falter when it comes to what I believe in.
What I need to know is why all the things that we used to believe in together, are suddenly different? I wish I could go back and freeze us when life was so simple, when nothing really mattered except for us. I wish that the moments could bring us back again, and that all those times that made us who we became could somehow save us now.
I've made many mistakes and I've stumbled my way through all of this. And suddenly I don't exactly know where to step next. All I know is that I don't want to be like everyone else, I don't want a simple life, I don't want to go what everyone else does, and I don't want to make myself into someone that I'm not. I hope that the person I am is good enough for you, the person that I will always be and the things that I believe in, if they can be good enough for you then support is all I ask.
Today is everything that I should want, and pulling out that box of winter scarves should be enough to turn things around...
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