For the first time in a long time tonight, I feel totally at peace, totally in control and at ease with how my life is going right now. I feel like nothing can take away from the peace I feel, that nothing else could make it more real. I have all of it right now, the boy, the home, the routine, the life, the school, the ideas. All of it continues to get more real as I grow and that makes it all the more exciting. If someone would have told me this is the life i would lead, that this was the boy I was going to fall for two years ago, I would not have believed it, because two years ago this may was a very dark time for me, a time of misunderstandings and of being misunderstood. It was a time that things were coming to an end, goodbyes were becoming constants and a new part of my life was beginning. Two years ago today I was scared, aprehensive, and unsure of where I was going. I was sad and in part, a large part actually, angry at the father that had been absent for a year. And here I am now, two years later, new city, new love, new passions, new schools, new home. HEre I am now, still missing the absent father that once I knew better, but anymore I am not angry, not sad, not melancholy and unsure. I am the surest I've ever been that this is what I want. I am the surest I've ever been that this is the world I want, that this is what I want my life to progress into.
It's funny how much can change in a couple of years, and when I look around, some things haven't changed at all. Yet others have changed tremendously. I can only imagine how fast the next couple of years will go by and in that time who knows how much else will have changed. All I can hope for is that it's as brilliant as the last two have been.
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