sometimes

Sometimes we have moments that we finally see ourselves for who we are and acknowledge it. Tonight I am realizing that I have a brand new start to make in the next week, and my life is only getting better and better as it continues. I am totally at peace with myself, something that's taken me a long time to get to this point. And in that peace, I am finding my love for the only boy that's ever had my heart deepen each and every day. It's in that peace that I am a stronger girl, woman, whatever I may be. I can look out the dark window here tonight and see flashes of light, because I know that in the end, I am becoming just who I want to be. Sometimes it takes something like a break down, sometimes it takes love, light and happiness to bring you to peace.

Sometimes we only need a moment to dispel all the wrong things in our lives. Sometimes sitting in the dark looking at a loved one is all we need to realize that life is too short not to love. For me, that love came in stages. I had never felt anything like it and as everyone around me noticed at the beginning, I was truly changed. He took my heart and kept it, and still keeps it. It was amazing how soon I felt it, how soon I knew he was the one, amazing how he took my breath away and still does after two long years. Then it changed to a deepening friendship and I loved being with him. He made me laugh, he held me when I cried and we got to know each other in a deeper and more intimate way. Our love grew, deepened, changed and evolved. Though I suppose that's what it's supposed to do. And so it grew, and so did we. We changed from two college students in a time of change and evolution into something different, into two adults beginning a life long relationship. Our responsibilities became greater, and with that so did the decisions we had to make. BUt along with that, our love only grew deeper and changed into a more grown up kind of love, an older kind of relationship. You know, my aunt said to the me the other day, "I think that to stay in a relationship with someone for a long time, the love has to grow and change along with the both people in it." And so it has for me and my love. As we have grown up, so has the love we hold. And here two years later, I have no doubts about where my life is headed with him. I have no apprehensions, (though I might get restless from time to time that's just me). I am just as head over heals in love with him today as I was two years ago. And as I look over at him sleeping right now, my heart skips a beat, my breath lingers on my tongue, and each time I see him, I fall in love again, each time he leaves, I count the footsteps as he goes and each moment away seems longer than it should.

And sometimes, I think that we just need to love in order to find ourselves. Sometimes we need to find that first passionate first love to find our exactly who we are and what we are capable of. And I pray everyday that I can forever hold onto my love that I have until the day I die, but if something ever happens to what we have, at least I know that I fell in love with someone that I deeply care for, someone that means everything in the world to me, and that what we had, was better than I ever thought love could be.