sometimes

Here we are, all in this world together, just trying to figure out who we are and why we are here. And in that search, sometimes we just get a little bit lost, a little bit turned around in our web that we create. That search turns into heartaches, and lost loves, it turns into moments of doubt and moments of weakness. It becomes a loss of prayer and times when we feel like we are totally alone in this world. And sometimes, that search takes us so far away from what we thought we were, that we forget about who we used to be and the world we left behind when that journey began. We have to know through it all, that it's for a reason, that we are becoming stronger, but that does not mean that we inadvertently leave behind those people that have always loved us for who we are.
You know, I may be young, and I may not know half of what others know, but I do know how hard it is sometimes to be yourself. There is one thing that I will not compromise in my life and that's myself and who I've become. Sometimes we get so lost in the moments and the drama and how situations play out, that we don't look at who we are and what we stand for, because if we did, we'd act much differently. You have to have a little faith in those you love and those that love you. You have to balance the love you give and the love you receive, you have to balance family and other relationships. You have to find that mid way with who you were and who you will be, and you have to be both, because all your life others loved you for you were and others will continue to love you for who you become.
Moments like this are not about anger or hate or dissatisfaction. They are about loss and devastation and concern; do not mistake these for anger, for they are much stronger but also much easier to forgive. These are feelings of love, not hate and this was never about not loving anyone, never about that love disappearing. You know I've given a lot of thought to all that's happened, and through all the hurt and the heartache it's caused, there are still those moments that I smile remembering the good times we all used to have. And while we all should change and grow, we must find in ourselves who we really want to become when we grow and change and who we want by our sides. Family is only thing that will always be there, and family, however difficult or different they may be, are the ones that loved us first for who we were, and for who we've become.
Do not mistake loss for anger, or concern for hate. When we look at those moments that we've make mistakes, we must be able to admit we were wrong, admit that our ignorance has taken over a bit. Sometimes just finding out what you really want from yourself and from those around you will show you the truth in what really has happened, regardless of who said what, and who's done what wrong. Sometimes you just have to get past the pride, and kneel before all you've done. Are we really ready to give up those ties, those relationships, those friendships that we've spent so many years building? Are we hiding behind insecurities and pride to prove a point and disconnecting those relationships that we've had for years?
Life is too short for this, and it's too long too. While I have tried to stay on the outside of all of this, I can't help but express how much we are all hurting each other with the secrets, the arrogance, and the lack of respect. Does it hurt to give someone the respect they deserve, to acknowledge a mother is hurting for her daughter, to acknowledge that we've made mistakes and that perhaps someone else might be able to help us, rather than alienating ourselves from all those people that have always loved us for who always have been?