Any Less

Some time in the last couple of days, my emotions have gotten the best of me. And suddenly, it's as if my whole world has changed, suddenly, it's as if all these memories have come flooding back. Suddenly I am realizing that there are no more quick drives home, there is no "home" to go to, suddenly now there are two houses to drive by and remember what it was like to be inside of it with my family. Suddenly there are two towns that are nothing but memories now. Suddenly I am realizing that there won't be birthday dinners, there won't be days when my dad is up here in the city for a meeting. Suddenly, there are no more thanksgivings at home, there are no more day trips or lunches with my mom. There are no more times when my parents are up here for a day, no more going home when I need a little extra push. There are no more trips to the grocery store with them, no more going to church with them.

Those of you whose parents live in the same place where you grew up, don't take that for granted, don't wish them to move, because when they do, it's harder than you've ever imagined. I don't know what it is lately, but it's really dawning on me. My parents are 2,000 miles away and I wasn't ready for that, I am not ready for it. It's hard, knowing that I have to board a plane to see them, knowing that there in a completely different time zone. It's hard knowing that they can't just drive up here for a birthday dinner or to drop something off. And lately, it's been so much just my brother and I relying on each other that it's making me see that suddenly, I am feeling my parents being gone so much more than I did when they first left.

I guess this is what life is about, moving and changing, it's something I think is in my blood, but it doesn't make it any easier, it doesn't make it any less emotional or make me miss them any less.