Like I used to...

Sometimes I wonder how I became this way. Sometimes I get so caught up in where I want to be and who I want to become that I forget what's most important in life. Sometimes I just miss the feeling of the Portland city streets under my feet, or the beautiful green leaves that fill the trees during the spring. I miss the 15 minute walks and I miss the love that I felt so abundantly in that city. Sometimes I wonder about my choices, about where I'm headed. Sometimes I find myself thinking about your smile, about the times when we were so happy in our little city, in our little apartment, in our little life. And sometimes, in this grand life I'm living, I can't help but wonder what it would be like there.

I know I still want to chase all those dreams, but lately I've been wondering if it's worth it alone? I feel a little lonely here tonight... and missing the feeling I had in Seoul just a few days ago and missing the feeling of Portland in the fall... if only I could have it all in one life, if only I could figure out a way to combine it all.

If only I could have it all figured out like I used to...