The Journey Home

I just woke up from the best dream I've had in so very long and suddenly, I know that everything is falling into place how it should and I know that it's right. For so long I've been toying with what is right to do, with trying to figure out in my mind if it really is right for me to move back to Portland and if I'm doing it for the right reasons, it's something that on the surface, I feel like I should do, but down deep I have been struggling with it, for many reasons.

And yet, here tonight, at 2 in the morning, as I lay here thinking about the beautiful and so very vivid dream I just had, a dream about my city, about meeting old friends, about memories of my first year there in Portland, about making new memories, about moments that slip away anywhere else but that become so very beautiful there. I dreamt of walking the park blocks, of the apartment buildings, of that feeling of just being there, of knowing that's where you fit. I dreamt of the waterfront, of my old apartment, of those pink walls, of weekends at home, of real weekends, of peace, of being settled, of walking the streets and feeling it under my feet. I dreamt of the rain, washing down and down outside, of the beauty of the spring, and the glory of the fall. I dreamt of the feeling of being loved, of waking up everyday and knowing I'm where I'm supposed to be, of adventures, of finding new places, of growing up, of the smell of the city air, of the Pearl, of driving to the coast, and dancing in the rain. I dreamt of photos, lots and lots of photos, of memories, of seeing the city grow, of weekends with family, of moments alone, to sit and look around and find peace in where I am. I dreamt of all those first memories, the first days of college, the first friends, the first loves, the first nights alone at my apartment, the first pieces of that life that I built, all on my own.

Portland is one of those places that is down deep under my skin, that fits, that feels comfortable. Its a city that is big enough to keep your distance, but that lets you run into random people on the street. It's a place that holds my heart and holds who I am. So as I start packing up my life again ... I find myself on the journey home, on the journey to where I want to be, the journey to who I need and want to be.