Outstayed my Invitation

I thought by coming back here, by going on a risk, by taking a chance, by following where my heart led me that it would make you happy. I thought that by saying yes, it would mean that I was making our dreams come true, but the more that I realize, it only made my dreams come true, never yours. The happy boy that I fell in love with has turned to anger, to punching walls, to running away when I need him the most. The love I knew has changed, and the smile I fell in love with is gone from our lives.

I thought that making this our home, that by being a new version of myself was what you wanted. I thought that by being the girl that you wanted would make you happy. I thought that moments like this were behind us. I thought that we'd have figured it out by now, that no matter what happened between us, you'd find that happiness again. I thought that you were just trying to figure it out, that if I gave you time, if I showed you I am here, that I am willing to give it all up for you, everything I believe in... for you, that you'd see it and just coming running to fall back in love with me.

I thought that I had compromised, that I had given you what you wanted, at least mixed it together with what I wanted. I thought that the anger would fade, that the smile would return when I got home. I thought that it would change.

And now here we are, very possibly the last 3 weeks for me to be here before I might have to leave again. And here we are, 28 days left, 28 days left to see me everyday, to hold me, to wake up next to me, 28 days to have dinner with me, 28 days come home to me, not just an empty apartment.

And here we are, and apparently everything that I thought you wanted isn't what you want at all. Everything that I thought would make you happy again isn't even coming close; apparently I am not making you happy. And the saddest part of all, is that in the unraveling, my dreams are the ones being crushed because all I want anymore is be with you, and you seem like this is what you want, for me to leave, to not deal with it anymore, to have your life back and to do exactly what you want, when you want. It seems to me that I have outstayed my invitation and nothing I do can make you happy anymore.