love will find its way

I've learned to breathe in all these years and now in this moment when it seems that all the breathes we take are stale and suffocating, I find myself wondering how people get through all we have to do and still find time for love. In three years, I have grown into more love than I've ever known, but at the same time, sometimes we get so caught up in all that is around us that we take that love for granted. And that makes me appreciate more how hard it is for people to stay married for years and years, how hard it is in this world to be loved unconditionally and without reason. I guess we just have to find our roots again, we have to look deep into our souls and search for the reasons we love someone. In my case, I love him because I can tell him anything, because in the end, he'd do everything he could to never let me down. I love him because after all these years, and all the stuff we've gone through together, he's still the person that can always make me laugh, the person that cares about how I feel and the person that regardless of how bad he's screwed up, he's always willing to try to fix it.

Love is something that becomes routine. It's something that we take so much for granted, and when we get to that point where it seems stale and breathless, we must remember that no matter what, if we have that person that does truly love us unconditionally, love will always find a way.

Defying gravity

I got to thinking tonight about how much we've all changed, and yet how much we are still the same. Here we are three years into the real world and some of us have gotten so far, while others have stayed behind. Some of us have created different journeys for ourselves than we imagined before. Some of us have found lovers, some of us gotten married, some of us gotten jobs, some of us studying for that career we've worked so hard for. Some of us are on our own, some of us not so much. But really in the end it comes down to what is in our souls and in our hearts.

Here we are, on the eve of adulthood and sometimes it feels like this road we call life, only continues to wind farther and farther away from where we thought we'd be. Here we are, wondering which decision to make, wondering how to keep surviving, wondering which people to say yes to, which people to tell no, which ideas to keep and which to throw away. It's time to try defining gravity. It's time to move towards all that we want and push away all that hinders us. It's time for us to stand up and make something of ourselves. It's time to move toward what we want and what we believe in. We must find that higher strength and push towards what we believe is real and true.

It's that time in our lives where we must stand up for what we believe in, because if we don't we will look back twenty years from now and shed a tear for the lost action that we long to recreate. We are young, passionate, and ready for our lives to begin.

done

She held my hand through my darkest years, she was the one that I sat on the phone with crying the night away in my tiny closet when no one else would listen, when I had no one else to turn to. I sit here tonight, broken inside, such a high then such a low. She needs to open her eyes and tell me what is going through her mind, why she left everyone behind, why she has cut everyone out and why she didn't even bother to tell me, why I was the last to find out. I feel betrayed and hurt, the loyalty I thought we had I guess meant nothing to her. I am tired of doing all I can for people, being there for them whenever they need a shoulder to cry on, advice to be given and I am so tired of dealing with everyone else's problems when I have plenty of my own to deal with. I'm sick of hearing about them build themselves up and then tell me that I am like them... I am NOTHING like them and I swear to God that I will never be like them. They have never done anything that I look up to and while I love them, I do not aspire to be like them. I do not want to live their lives and I am done telling either of them what I think or how I am feeling because they use it as ammunition toward me to one another.

I am 21 years old, I should be enjoying what's left of my young adult life and not worrying about this feud between my aunts and my grandparents. I have no need to be in the middle of it, neither do I want to be in the middle of it. They have their issues that they've had for so many years that I personally don't care to relive it over and over again. I am done listening to it, I'm done dealing with it, and I'm done talking about it. I am sincerely hurt and it's something that is going to take more than an email to fix. I don't care anymore, they can sit on their high horses and cry and gossip and say that nobody listens to them, but they are the ones that have always gotten exactly what they want. Ironic how the girls that had everything handed to them, ended up like this?

life lessons

After a long and overwhelming week... here are a few little life lessons I've learned:

. find a moment when you need it the most and just stand still, not doing anything, not thinking, just be still and breathe
. take the time to call a friend or a relative, it will mean the world to them
. hold someone's hand, it always will make you feel loved
. find out what you truly believe in and figure out what it really means to you in your life
. don't judge someone else for what faith they have, you don't know what's going on in their life
. when you love someone, tell them
. hug someone and tell them thank you for all they do
. smile when no one is looking
. wrap yourself in blankets, it will always make you feel better
. watch the rain fall
. sleep in as late as you want
. go above and beyond on what ever you are supposed to do, it will all pay off in the end
. always be on time
. watch a favorite movie or play your favorite song
. if you get the chance to travel, go for it
. when you are alone, always remember that it's a time to cleanse your soul and find out about yourself
. go home every once in a while, even if you hate it, it means the world to your parents
. be able to stand on your own, don't rely on other people to make you grow up, take responsibility for yourself
. if you are overwhelmed, cry, get upset, and then move on and do what you are supposed to do
. don't worry about what people are going to think, if you truly believe you are making the right decision, those closest to you will support you
. create someplace that represents your dreams and believe that you will go there (Paris!)
. take time and write down your thoughts from time to time
. tell some one when you are upset
. find someone that you can tell anything to
. have a balance of friends and love them for different things
. buy something you really want
. work the hardest you can, it will all pay off and you will be better for it
. but don't let work control you're entire life, keep the important things special
. don't worry about when marriage will happen, or when your life will be planned out, let life happen and just live
. don't regret things you've done or feel bad about them, they are what made you who you are and how you got to where you're at
. waking up next to someone you love is the best feeling in the entire world
. find someone you can laugh with, someone you can talk to, someone that you share a bond with, and keep them forever
. love is about falling in love over and over again, and when you can look at that person two years later and still feel a rush when you're with them, that's true love
. tell people you are thankful for them
. always tell the truth
. but sometimes a little white lie is okay
. we all feel lost sometimes, but finding your way back often creates a stronger more dedicated person
. dream and dream and dream and keep dreaming
. learn another language
. live in another country
. smile at someone you see on the street, it might just make their day
. get lost in someone's stare
. have a few too many drinks, so what if you get a little giggly?
. look out the window and smile, because what could be more beautiful than this moment right now?

Goals

With the glow of white gold bracing my eye and a diamond sparkling on my finger, I find myself thinking about all that is coming for me. And as I realize all that is coming, I have to brace myself sometimes. I am living all that I want to live and becoming all that I want to be, yet still somewhere I am terrified of all of that, of all of what is coming. I, like so many of those people closest to me, am scared to move on from college, to move on from the life I know, to move away, to get married, to start a family, to choose my own life. And while I know I am more than capable of doing all of that, I am still terrified of how it will all happen. Sometimes I sit back and think of all my dreams and what I want, of living in Paris, accomplishing all my career goals, of learning French and touring the Arab world that once held me as its own. And thinking of all these things I can only hope to achieve. THere is so much going on, so much happening all at once and in the end I can't help but smile, because I know in the end I'll get through it all, I'll find peace and accomplish all that I want to. So here are my goals, no time limits, just goals for myself to rise to the occasion.

1. Live in Paris
2. Get married
3. Learn French and Arabic
4. Live and work in London
5. Rise in my career
6. Publish some sort of my writing
7. Buy myself an Audi
8. Own a townhouse in the pearl district
9. return to portland someday
10. keep the faith I've created
11. not lose contact with those that i love the most
12. fulfill every dream I've ever dreamt on some level

take note (controversial)

As we grow up we find that our faith gets lost, our love replaces things we used to know and our decisions get harder and harder to make. Sometimes, I've learned you have to take the good with the bad and find a new faith in order to survive. I used to believe in what I could not understand, in what my parents always told me was how the world is. I used to be the person that believed in whatever anyone told me and then I found out the hard way that the faith I always believed in so naively isn't what it means at all. I found that love, true, passionate and undefining love took the place of that faith in my life. And people misunderstand that, people take that to much to heart and judge me for it all the time.

I had a long talk with a dear friend today and I came away from it thinking about all of this. Faith is something that no one can ever take from you, it's something that no one can give you either, you have to find it on your own and some take longer to find it than others. Some have never been taught how to find it either, so those of you that judge those who have no faith in anything, or that don't believe in a religion or a higher power, you must realize that you were the ones that were helped along the way of finding that faith, others were not. I find so often those with a religious belief that become so judgmental towards those with a different belief than their own and to me, someone who was brought up devoutly catholic, I can't see how that isn't totally against what faith teaches. Ask me sometime, I can quote the bible, I can talk intelligently about biblical stories, about catholic traditions and what the church means. I know it all, I grew up within that church,and how unChristian is it to judge someone else for something that they've never had the opportunity to have? Some are so quick to judge, so quick to think that what they believe in is the the only thing to believe in.

I'm sorry right now if this offends anyone, that is not my intention. But sometimes, some of us lose our faith after experiencing something, some of us find that there are other things to put our faith in, and some of us never have had the opportunity to have that faith. For me, my faith is everything I have. I believe very strongly in what faith gives us, but I don't necessarily believe that faith means judging others that don't have the same beliefs as we do. That is not what Christ was about, that is not what any disciple or saint did, they befriended those that were not like them and gave them opportunities, they did not turn them away. And like it or not, someday we are all going to be judged, and whether or not your faith is the "right one" is no one's on this earth to say.

One thing I will say in closing is that though I am not a perfect person, I do believe very strongly in being a good person and living a good life, a life I am proud of, a life that I can defend. And my faith is strong, my beliefs sure, it is the church and the people that run it that are questioned in my mind, nothing else. We are all human, we all make mistakes, whether you have strong religious beliefs or not, we all will stand beside each other when our world's come to a close and maybe what saves each of us in the end is whether or not we judged those that we loved, whether or not be stood beside them through the storm or whether we walked away when they needed us the most just because they were different?

In closing, I want to thank a dear friend of mine, because after that conversation today, I realized that though she is a very religious person, she has never once judged me for the decisions I make but rather as our friendship has grown, she has stood by me, whether she approved or not. That's what real friends are, for all of you who have abandoned friends because of difference of opinion, take note... maybe you aren't as good a person as you think.

*offer*

I feel at this moment in time that I am finally whole, that I am finally finding out who I am and learning more about life as each new day passes. Life for me is white Christmas trees with Wal-Mart ornaments, it's an Arab memory of sand and a world I used to know and love, it's that kiss on the forehead and a tally of kisses along side his drawing on yellow legal pads, it's watching my favorite show and wanting to watch it over and over again. Life is having time to write with nothing else on my mind, it's watching the rain outside but being safe and warm indoors, it's making my own decisions, it's cooking a brilliant meal, it's entertaining, it's a cosmo when I need to relax, it's my favorite song soaring from the speakers, it's Sex and the City when I really need it, it's reading a magazine, it's designing a project I really enjoy. LIfe is cookies and dark chocolate m and m's, and bringing the love of my life to my family gatherings. It's knowing he's the one, it's knowing with him I am never afraid, with him I am never alone. Life is being gathered up in blankets, it's helping someone you know really needed it, it's a long conversation with a dear friend, it's looking ahead and seeing myself in Paris, London, Barcelona, Madrid, Morocco. It's knowing someday, I'll be a woman that changes someone's life, knowing that I have goals and dreams and that I will succeed in them all. It's pictures and photographs that he takes that take my breath away, it's finding a way of life that is all our own, it's that one kiss before I go to bed and laying on his chest. Life is creating my own way, it's about faith and love, trust and courage. Life is about paving my own journey and learning along the way how to do it. It's about learning to trust me, learning who I am and accepting it. It's about finding my own reasons for living and learning how get to where I want to be and letting me make my own mistakes. It's about talking to people and learning, it's about falling and getting back up again. It's about a great cup of coffee and a winning hand of hold 'em. Life is about mistakes, and learning from them. It's about love and learning about it to make it better. Life is about moving on when you need to and holding on when nothing else makes sense. Life is about falling into a place, and then growing and finding a new place to fit into. LIfe for me is moving around, not settling into routine, not settling into the stereotype. Life is about finding colors in the earth, having a day just to paint some random wall, it's about doing good will and hoping for the future. It's about finding the love of your life and learning how to love, it's about finding twenty minutes out of the day and learning to sit and relax when you have a million things going on. It's about a risk you take, not knowing how it will be approached. It's about life, it's about faith, it's about love. Life is about living, about loving yourself and then others, it's about finding those few people that love you unconditionally and then branching out and finding out how far you can reach. It's about finding out who you are and then embracing all the world has to offer.

You

I’ve always been the one to do everything,
Always the one that creates a life,
Lives it and makes it all that it needs to be.
I’ve changed you, found you, loved you, but I’ve
Never needed you.

You’ve always been the one that they adore,
But I’m wondering what they’d do if they knew,
All the things that you do to me,
All the things I go through to be with you.

I’ve always been the favorite one,
And this life that we’ve created is more than asked for,
But I’m wondering how long I can be with it.
I’m growing up and you’re slowing down,
I’m moving on, you’re standing still.

And I need to move, I need to keep it going.
I need to be independent, I need to be loved,
Not needed.

It seems anymore that life is moving us apart,
And the words are changing who we are.
I have found myself, I have loved and lost,
I have grown into who I am,
Have you?

I’ve always been the strong one,
Always the one that takes what I have and uses it,
Creates something that I need and want.
I’ve changed you, as they say, found you, loved you,
But,
I’ve never needed you to be who I am.

EArth's Prayer

Sing along with the trees,
Embrace the power they spread,
The embrace they give,
The air they take under their breath.
Sing a song that no one else has,
Capture leaves in your fingertips
And snow on your face.
Watch the rain as it melts down this world
That we’ve created, then killed.
See the fog on the horizon and pray for peace,
For life and for love.

See the leaves over head, the footprints underneath,
And the warm breeze that never used to be there.
Watch as more and more come,
And less and less leave,
As the morning turns to night,
And the earth changes underneath us.

Sing for all of us,
Pray for light in the darkness we’ve created.
Keep life amongst the holy things,
Keep it locked and sacred, keep it real.

Sing along with the trees today,
Embrace them as our own,
Keep the rain clean, the oceans alive,
The fog from clearing. Sing along
With the wind, for it’s always been here,
In the prayers of the earth underneath us.

the passing

Remember when life was simple and when disappointment only lasted for a few minutes and then it was on to something else? Life was so much simpler when we were young and here we are now, sitting in this period in our lives where choices are perhaps the most difficult and the consequences greater, the disappointment lasting. There is no answer to what we do in these troubled times, just moments that we must find the strength to realize what we have, and what we don't and what we never will have. Sometimes we must find our nitch in this world, some place safe from all that we must encounter, sometimes we just need time to grow, time to learn about the world.

Disappointment is only one part of life, and we must learn to grow in it and see what we have over what we don't. We must look outside at the sun setting behind the hills and find the moments of strength, to look into the eyes of the one we love and to find comfort in their love, in their encouragement. It really is alright, even though it hurts, it really will pass.

Remember

Remember me? I'm the one you love, the one that loves pink and dark chocolate m and m's. I'm the one that has your heart, the one that loves Paris in the fall and the one that dreams of living abroad. I'm the one that hears your tears, the one that lives here instead of where I used to, the one that giggles while talking to Abby online and the one that every once in a while, makes you smile. I'm the one that would listen to your story for hours, the one that listens to Christmas music in September, and the one that painted your bathroom green.

Remember me? I'm back and here to stay, I love you and no one else, more than words will ever begin to be able to say. I'm here, and always will be. Always remember that.

*waiting for hope*

some people never cease to disappoint me... over and over again.

* a poem *

Cycle the Seasons

Some leaves may fall as we walk,
Limbs and branches in the golden sky above,
But that is just what the earth has to do,
What the Heavens command each time this year,
Each time before the winter hits.

The leaves cleanse themselves and fall,
Just as we must go through a period of falling
In order to regain the strength to grow again.
I have been falling lately, just like the leaves,
Lost, confused, and estranged,
Just like the golden leaves hanging out the window.
Yet in the end, we all must fall in order to grow again,
So we are leaves,
Falling and growing as the Heavens cycle the seasons
Around us.

woman

Trapped in a faith that no one else believes in. Wrapped in a wrath no one sees coming, underneath water five fathoms deep. Drowning in a love she cannot have, lost in a lust that rules her. Watching over everyone else at the expense of herself, she cannot have the desire that once was hers. Cured in the waters of Hell and locked in prayer that the world condemns. Alone in the dark with only a darker light to guide the way, in rain that never seems to stop, in life that never ceases to drain her. She is more than I, more than you, she is a living breath and a woman. She is that woman that we all are, that faith we all believe in yet few seem to grasp. She is the love we will never have, the lust that rules us all for something better. She is the darkest of the darkness and the brightest of the light. She is Heaven and Hell, she is each and every one of us women out there, wrestling with the good and the bad, with the lust and the love, with what's right and what's wrong. And in the end, she is deeper than oceans five fathoms deep and making choices we all must make. So may God guide us in this darkest of quest.

Stormy Weather

Do you really know my name anymore or is it just a moment on the tip of your tongue that slips away? You do not love me like you used to, you do not know the way I live or who I am or how I am so lost. You don't even whisper to me when I am in trouble, nor to you turn aside from him to see me. You do not measure up to the woman you used to be or come close to being the mother I once knew and loved. I feel like nothing in your presence and I feel like sand that you pick up and toss around just to humor yourself. No more am I your daughter, no more do I lend you this respect. I am lost, I am questioning, I am finding who I can trust and who I cannot. I am no longer who you thought I was, that much is clear. So wrapped in guilt, so hidden by fear, you stay there in your little shell you've created, rather he's created, and you say nothing, do nothing. But here I am, your only and eldest daughter, your friend, your beloved first child, your blood and I am here, holding on to nothing but myself on this cold autumn night. I am here, lost, lonely and afraid and when a child needs her mother most, you are not here. But in reality, you haven't been here for a long while, you have abandoned your child when she needs you the most. I am lost, misplaced and an orphan against the sea of storms heading my way. Do you dare turn away from me again, dear mother have I not been through enough of these storms? Must I bear ahead once more, all alone? I cannot take the rain anymore.

sometimes

Sometimes we have moments that we finally see ourselves for who we are and acknowledge it. Tonight I am realizing that I have a brand new start to make in the next week, and my life is only getting better and better as it continues. I am totally at peace with myself, something that's taken me a long time to get to this point. And in that peace, I am finding my love for the only boy that's ever had my heart deepen each and every day. It's in that peace that I am a stronger girl, woman, whatever I may be. I can look out the dark window here tonight and see flashes of light, because I know that in the end, I am becoming just who I want to be. Sometimes it takes something like a break down, sometimes it takes love, light and happiness to bring you to peace.

Sometimes we only need a moment to dispel all the wrong things in our lives. Sometimes sitting in the dark looking at a loved one is all we need to realize that life is too short not to love. For me, that love came in stages. I had never felt anything like it and as everyone around me noticed at the beginning, I was truly changed. He took my heart and kept it, and still keeps it. It was amazing how soon I felt it, how soon I knew he was the one, amazing how he took my breath away and still does after two long years. Then it changed to a deepening friendship and I loved being with him. He made me laugh, he held me when I cried and we got to know each other in a deeper and more intimate way. Our love grew, deepened, changed and evolved. Though I suppose that's what it's supposed to do. And so it grew, and so did we. We changed from two college students in a time of change and evolution into something different, into two adults beginning a life long relationship. Our responsibilities became greater, and with that so did the decisions we had to make. BUt along with that, our love only grew deeper and changed into a more grown up kind of love, an older kind of relationship. You know, my aunt said to the me the other day, "I think that to stay in a relationship with someone for a long time, the love has to grow and change along with the both people in it." And so it has for me and my love. As we have grown up, so has the love we hold. And here two years later, I have no doubts about where my life is headed with him. I have no apprehensions, (though I might get restless from time to time that's just me). I am just as head over heals in love with him today as I was two years ago. And as I look over at him sleeping right now, my heart skips a beat, my breath lingers on my tongue, and each time I see him, I fall in love again, each time he leaves, I count the footsteps as he goes and each moment away seems longer than it should.

And sometimes, I think that we just need to love in order to find ourselves. Sometimes we need to find that first passionate first love to find our exactly who we are and what we are capable of. And I pray everyday that I can forever hold onto my love that I have until the day I die, but if something ever happens to what we have, at least I know that I fell in love with someone that I deeply care for, someone that means everything in the world to me, and that what we had, was better than I ever thought love could be.

roots.

Speaking yesterday to a girl at work that grew up in the middle east, I realized just how much I miss it. How much I miss being the only pale skinned girl in the crowd, how I missed the uniqueness of the culture, how the sand felt when it blew against my skin, how endless the ocean seemed at my feet, how real it all felt, how it felt like home. I miss the sensation of religion calling to the masses, the way the sweet bread would melt on your tongue and the way, the sun felt in those early morning hours rising over the gulf. I miss the travel, the palm trees lining every road, the endless expanse of sand, the way the falcon soared over the earth and the way religion conquered all. I miss the traditions, the culture, the unique ways of the Arab world. I miss Saudi and I will never think of myself as a normal American girl, I never have been, I never grew up the way the rest of you grew up. I was imprinted with the print of the arab world more than I was of an American childhood. And even though I left at an impressionable age, I still wonder what it would be like to go back. I had forgotten a lot of the things I remember because no one that I know can relate to what I lived, how I grew up, until I met this girl at work the other day from Somalia, an arab country in Africa.

It dawned on me then, speaking to her of all the places I used to know so well. And I suddenly was drawn back to all the places, the memories, the culture, the traditions, the smells, the food, the way the sun would set over the desert in the late evening. I suddenly remembered the way the streets smelled, the way the desert looked at first light, the way the ocean felt so warm on your bare feet, the way the world seemed to stop turning when you looked out over the ocean that in just a short distance took you to the sands of Kuwait.

It's a beautiful world there, one that is often misunderstood, one that many seem ignorant about, one that people make judgement too quickly without understanding. It's a world of tradition, a place where life is lived the same it's been lived for thousands of years and in a world that is so rapidly changing, maybe we need more of that, maybe we need more of a world in which traditions forms a basis. It's sad how westernized the world has become, it's sad how tradition is being swept aside to become like us americans. In the end, I guess I realized that I had been pushing this huge part of myself aside, when I needed to embrace it and realize how much a part of me it truly is. I feel in my heart as I am part Arab, less American than Arab. For half my life I was Arab, then suddenly forced into America as a teenager, and now finally I am figuring out that I don't have to be either or, I can be both. I can be the American girl that grew up in Saudi Arabia and the Arab girl that moved to America. I can be both, because both are who I am, I am neither one without the other, both make up my soul, both make me who I am. And so until I can see the sands beneath the setting sun, and taste that sweet bread melting my mouth on the Saudi streets in the early evening when the sun is setting and suddenly there is relief from the heat, I will continue to go back to my Arab roots, regardless of what those around me think I am.

here's to hoping

Our days here are numbered and in each of those numeric weeks that flies by us with the setting sun, more and more of the things that are in our future get closer and closer. In just a few short years, I will be done with school, working, completely on my own, married, and beginning all that I choose to do. And as I sit here thinking, as I finally have time to actually just sit and think, I can't wait for all that is ahead of me, I can't wait to marry my love, to walk down that aisle and look up at him, and smile because he truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me and he came along at the perfect time in my life. And while sometimes I wonder if I'm missing out on certain things, I always come back to the conclusion that he is the one I want to be with, he is the one that makes me feel loved and he is the one that I want to be with regardless of what night of the week it is or who might be going out.

I am turning 21 in a few weeks and I can't help but wonder, how did life come to this point so quickly? It seems yesterday we were just graduating from high school, barely knew who we were and worrying about prom dates, not bills and rent. It seems that as life goes, so does more responsibility. And in that, that only makes us stronger. I can't believe it sometimes when I look down and see that I am supporting myself, taking responsibility and making my own decisions. I am at a point where I feel like I can go to my parents as an adult and tell them what I've decided, and regardless of how they feel, I can do what I think is right.

And so as we grow up, ever so quickly, it's amazing how much is thrown at us. Here's to only hoping we have the strength, courage and ability to hold on to it and do all we can with it.

not only a dream

As I sit here and the sun is setting behind the trees and behind the clouds that soothed me today, I can see the leaves slowly changing colors outside. It's this time of year that truly makes feel myself, it's the way the leaves fall, the rain falling and the memories of love that get me right now. And in all honesty, as I take a moment to rest right now, after finishing up another quarter at school, it seems only natural to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that I can actually breathe and rest now, for a little while at least.

And as I look back, this has been one of the most trying quarters for me at school and at life. I went through a lot in my personal life in the last ten weeks and in school it was especially difficult getting everything done. I'm at a point right now where I just want to learn, and that in itself, I think tells me that this is exactly what I want to do with my life. You know, I said to Nick the other day, "I love my school and I love what I'm doing," and he remarked back, "You're really lucky that you can say that because not that many people can say that." And that makes me smile, even here and now because he's right, I've found so much in the past couple of years that many people search for for a lifetime. In the past two years, I have found the love of my life, a boy who I've watched become a young man, a man that takes care of me, that loves me unconditionally and more than I ever thought I could be loved and a man that I know will never let me down. My love for him today is the strongest its ever been and it only continues to grow each and every day we are together. I have found a school and passion in my life that I can continue doing that I love. I found something that I want to do for the rest of my life and I love doing it. I have met people that have changed me, friends that I will keep for the rest of my life, friends that know me and respect me for who I am. I've lost a lot of people that were important in my life, and I've lost family to death and to distance in the past few months.

But through it all, I've learned the most about myself and looking back to this time two years ago, I've changed almost every part of myself and my life and it's all for the better. I am a different person than I was back then, I am a more mature, sophisticated, confident and well rounded person than I was, and in the past two years, not only have i found a dream for my future, but I've found a reality that can make that future come true.

... for us all....

*Remember*

Always remember your father’s smile,
And your childhood home.
Remember the way a child laughs,
And the way it smells after it rains.
Remember the moment when you found yourself,
The touch of every hand you shake,
And the feel every hug you give.

Always remember the first time
And the last time,
Remember the love you’ve had for others,
Regardless if that love still exists of not.
Remember what hurt you the most,
And the best moment of your life.

Always remember what means the most,
Remember to say the three little words
That begin with “I” and end in “u.”
Remember your first love,
And the face of every loved one gone.

Always remember the way the sun sets,
And how the leaves drop in the fall.
Remember the moments with family,
And the long talks with those you love.
Remember the connections, and strive
To keep them.

Remember you are loved,
And no matter where life takes us,
We always come back to a spot that keeps
Us whole.

Remember the strength it took to grieve,
And the courage it takes to move on.
Always remember his smile,
After all, it was the best smile in the world.