Autobiography

Recently my brother wrote his autobiography for a class at school and intrigued by the idea and by his paper itself, I decided to write my own. The story of me. The only life I've ever lived and ever will... here it is: the life, passions, prayers and dramas of me.

Born overseas, in a land sea and sand I came into the world as black haired baby to two teachers. The life I came into would stay with me for 12 years and the land that bore me would soon become a home I long to always go back to, a home that held me in the dunes of sand and the waves of salted sea. An Arab world became all that I knew, a world that favored tradition over popular culture and chose religion over politics. It was this world that I loved for 12 years, this world that made me who I am, this world that captured me and held me inside its palm, inside the desert and the sea.

It was only when I was 12 years old that I said goodbye forever to the only place I ever knew as home. I left that day 9 years ago, as a child knowing far more than I ever should have had to know. I left knowing I would never see these people again, knowing my life would never be the same, knowing that the home I knew would never be the same ever again. That 14 hour plane ride here was eternity, leaving, coming, being everywhere at once and being no where at all. My life was beginning but ending at the same time, one chapter finished, so many more to come.

And moving to Oregon, to Medford, a town in the southern part of the state I finished the rest of my young years. I made friends that have stayed with me to this day, friends that touched me, that shaped me and my ideals, friends that taught me a lot about life. I became who I am today there and those that know me now know that where I came from will always be a part of me, a part of my soul deep down inside of who I am. My life began there, my childhood ended there and again I said goodbye to that part of me. I cried a million tears over that goodbye because this time I wasn't leaving just a home, but a part of me, a childhood, an era that wasn't ready to be finished, a life ready to be lived, a place not ready to be let go. I left so much more there than I did over seas, I left my soul this time and that goodbye nearly tore me apart.

But through a year of Hell, I was pulled from the flames and rescued by someone that I will never let go of. He saved me from myself, from the Hell I was putting myself through, from the blame I was putting on everyone else besides myself, from losing everything I had built, from losing myself. I came to find more ecstasy in love than in faith, finding out that such love is true faith in something, no matter what you call it. I found myself faced with forever and for a time it scared me, but as time grew I realized that love like this was all that I've ever truly wanted in my life. His love saved my entire being, his love is what pulled me through the deepest days of Hell and I knew that I could say goodbye to everything else, but never to him.

This past year has been a whirlwind of experiences. I've found who I truly am, I've learned to be alone, to spend every waking minute with the boy that saved me, to experience new things with now doubts, and to be who I am no matter what the consequences may be. I've learned more of my family, learned to distance myself but stay connected at the same time. I've found a friend in the woman my mother is, I've left the blame and doubt behind and found a hero in my father and as we've grown, I've found both a friend and mentor in my little brother. He is the reason that I am writing this, he is my inspiration and he will always be my closest friend.

My future is not that far away. As I sit here writing this, I am almost 20 years old and everything I've always wanted is within my reach. My dreams and my passions are right in front of me, they are there ready to be used and acknowleged. I cannot wait to walk down the aisle at my wedding, with white tulips, white roses and pink orchids all around me, in a creamy white dress that's simple, elegant and hold my father's hand while he gives me away. REceiving his simple kiss on my cheek as he says goodbye to me, as his little girl that's all grown up. I can't wait for the look in my husband's eyes as he sees me walking toward him, ready to spend eternity with each other, ready to know that no one else will ever have our love. I can't wait to make a life with him, with the man that I already know I will love forever. I can't wait until the day I can come home from work and cook a beautiful dinner, spend the evening with the husband I've always wanted, go to bed and sleep in each other's arms. Wake up next to him, a good morning kiss and off to the day. I can't wait for the day I can spoil my nieces and nephews, taking them shopping and out to lunch, a day with Auntie Casey. I can't wait until I can sit on the balcony with my husband and look out at the river and watch the white clouds pass by in the deep blue sky, sipping wine as the breeze pulls us closer together. I look forward to the rocky path that marriage is, I can't wait for the ups and the downs, because after the downs, life always seems so much sweeter.

I know that when I am on my deathbed, that I will look back and see the past as it was: a beautiful, simple, extraordinary, faithful era of years. I pray that I will look back and like the way I lived them, that I lived them to my fullest potential and touched people along the way. I pray that I will have lived every passion I have,, that every dream will have come true and that every moment will have been worth living, no matter how good or bad it was. I pray every day that life becomes more incredible because right now, I have lived an amazing life and I can't wait to live the rest of it.