Black and White

When did it become so black and white, when did a woman become defined by the family she raises and the number of kids and the family car in the large family home? Why is it that those of us who choose a different life are looked at differently? I’ve seen the women who never have kids, the ones that jump from husband to husband, the ones that work every day of their lives and live as independently as they possibly can. Their focus is not kids, but it’s a little more intense than I want as well. All I want is to have someone to love all my life, to know what I want, and to reach for every dream I have.

What’s so wrong with an apartment in the middle of a city, a man I can come home to every day that makes me smile and that would do anything for me and a life of travel, living all around the world, working, shopping, and loving? What’s wrong with wanting the city life, the long walks along the river in the fall and buying the fabulous clothes instead of buying diapers? Why can’t I be independent and self-reliant instead of putting all my attention toward a child? I don’t necessarily want a child, I’m not made for that. I’m not necessarily the woman who goes so far the other way, but I am definitely growing into a woman that has figured a lot out in the past year. And I have realized something important. There is no reason women without children should be looked down upon, there is no reason that they should be defined just by the title of mother. I have a lot to offer, I believe in myself, I see a future coming at me very swiftly and though I don’t see motherhood on the horizon, and I don’t necessarily want to see it there, that doesn’t mean that my life won’t be worth something.

My only wish in life is to touch someone and change their life. To feel that inspiration and to live through it. That to me is worth more than any child, any lover, any prize. All I want in life is to be judged as the person I am, child or no child, husband or no husband. All I want is love someone all my life, pursue my dreams, and live the most I can. When did that become a crime, when did having a child, no matter what kind of parent you’ll be or having it to please everyone around you, become something you have to do to be real? When did it become so black and white? It’s not, and though I don’t necessarily want children in my life, that does not mean my life is less that someone else that calls themselves a mother.