weird

Here I am sitting with nothing I can do here. Looking around at this great apartment that he loves, but a place that feels somehow odd to me. I can't help it, I wish I could. And as we've spent most of the week over at my apartment that I absolutely adore, it somehow felt so much like the old days, the times when he'd come "home" and stay there, no switching back and forth, bringing bags, bringing clothes and a constant shuffle between two places. Cooking there, living there, "beingg" there felt right with him and perhaps it's just because he didn't have a real place of his own, but somehow it feels more right there than here. Even though I know he loves this place, I wish I could say I do too.

And perhaps it's just my mood right now, which I'm not sure exaclty how I would define it. But it's odd. A few things are bothering me... first of all an old friend of mine that means a lot to me for a few different reasons imed me about something very important, talking to me on a very personal level and on a very personal subject, (which I won't mention) and then suddenly left the coversation and didn't talk at all anymore. Which disturbed me, now I don't know if him and a bunch of buddies were messing around with me, or if he really is going through this and had to abruptly leave. Either way, both situations disturb me. Then I've been waiting around for a while for homework to be done, waiting to watch my show and waiting to basically just sit here and write and get even more frusttrated.

Let's see what else is on my mind. Hmmm... other than one of my only good friends up here about to leave and move across town, summer dragging on and on and myself being frustrated with stupid things, my life is decent. i guess it's better than decent, but i'm dramatic right now, in a weird mood, have a headache and am very tired. I'm fighting within myself on some issues right now and need a break from myself, but seeeing as that is impossible... i guess i'll have to live on.

i know i have it so good compared to so many so i'll stop bitching.. take this with a grain of salt... i'm weird tonight.