trying

Sometimes people disappoint you. Actually, it happens a lot. Perhaps that's why marriages fail, why friends are lost, or why family sometimes seems to become more and more distant. Disappointment is one of those things that hurts so much more than lies, more than anything anyone can do to hurt someone else. And for some reason, disappointment makes you lose faith in the people that you thought you knew so well.

It seems that lately I have been hurt by disappointment from others. And it is in this disappointment from friends and lovers that has left me where I am now, having nightmares and crying to myself when no one is looking. Sometimes I think about how it used to be, so in love, so happy, so ready to go on forever. And honestly, that scares me now. Forever terrifies me because I want it to be thoughtful and sincere, I want it to be about the little things and about showing each other how much we love. I want it to be about special nights and enjoying time together. I want days with no arguments, and moments to just laugh.

And maybe it's me, maybe I am expecting too much from everyone in my life, but I don't believe in expecting any less than the best, because when you love someone or something, that's what I give.

I miss the icards, the kisses when you get home, tucking me in at night, not arguing with me on everything, smiling at me when you think I'm not looking. I miss all those little things that I fell in love with, the hats, the walks at the riverfront, putting your arm around me, not pushing me to do things, not the constant talking and asking questions. I miss the silence, most of all, I miss the quiet just sitting with you. I miss your faith in me, knowing that I know what I'm doing. I miss you're faith in yourself, and I miss being treated so well.

Life has changed and so have we, and now is the time to figure out if this means what it used to. I know that it will never be the same as it used to be, but we can try to not disappoint each other at the very least.