For you

I remember this feeling, I remember this loneliness from three summers ago. That loneliness that you saved me from then, you're causing now. Like the song says, at this point, "I'm just seeing how the shine wears off" and I'm so tired of the arguments, the fights, the tears. I've been here before and I hardly made it through, I've been here before and I cannot do it again. The tears are back, and here I am with no where to run, with no one to turn too. Everyone's gone, everyone's lost, my heart is lost, and lonely and hurt.

You know who I am, or at least I thought you did, and here when the tears keep falling harder now, why can't you love me enough to change who we are, to move on to something else and to just let it go? And as I continue to cry tonight, I can't help but wish that I could leave tonight, fly away and never come back. I am counting down the days until I can afford to do this all on my own again, the days when I have an excuse to leave, when I have an excuse to start over again on my own.

Especially today, you couldn't even let yourself not be selfish for one day, maybe have it all be about me for one day, until I have the strength to move on again. Couldn't you just give up a little for one day for me? You used to, you used to all the time.

And I'm tired of the front, I'm tired of people thinking that everything is perfect, becuase it's not. It's far from anything perfect. No matter what you say to me, I don't think that I matter enough to you right now, I don't think you realize where I am in my life and where you are in yours.

There are no words to express what I feel inside. That peice of me that you fulfilled has now been lost, and every hole in my heart filled with sadness and loneliness. I have been hurting for so long and overlooking it so that we could have a chance. But maybe we're not supposed to, maybe we just need to say goodbye, maybe we need time to grow alone.

You saved me when I was here before and you made me so happy that all the pain and hurt went away, you cured that loneliness that I couldn't help but feel and now, when I needed you the most, you have not been here to take the hurt away. You haven't cared enough to give up some of yourself for a little while to hold me when I'm hurt, instead you do everything you can to make me upset and continue on when I need you to stop. Is that too much to ask of the one you love, or so you thought, to give up a little of yourself when the other is hurting?

I do that every single day for you.