Tonight

With an empty finger and a room all by myself, I learned a very hard lesson tonight. Sometimes no matter how hard we try to love someone, or how hard we try to fix what has been lost, sometimes it can't be fixed. I used to believe in love, in the way that two people could find something in each other and in the way that what was between them could last always. I don't believe that anymore, and I've lost the faith that's always gotten me through. That faith in a feeling, in an emotion, in that love that always got me through before. I don't see it when you look me in the eyes anymore, I don't find that strength in you that I used to.

And I'm sorry, truly I am for losing that faith. I feel it so deep inside me that something is wrong, that something isn't right and I don't believe in anything anymore. You know they say that sometimes, when you have it all, you lose yourself. And that's where I am. I don't remember what's it like to feel safe anymore, I'm scared all the time. I don't remember what it's like to have fun, and I don't remember what it felt like to feel so in love. And I hate that, I hate losing all those moments that meant the world to me way back when.

All the pictures in the world can't show what I'm really feeling inside. All the memories in the world can't make me believe again, and I don't know if I ever will. All I want is to feel that love again and to look at you and see that you love me too, regardless of who we're with, or where we are. All I want is what all my family said they saw in you at the beginning, "how much you adored me."

That's all I've ever wanted.