Lesson learned...

Sometimes we need to just run away, sometimes love ends, sometimes friends forget you, sometimes reconnecting is better than anything. Sometimes you have no idea where you're going or how you'll get there, all you know is that you will. The last six months have really opened my already open eyes. I've realized that some friends will always be there, and others won't. I've realized that some relationships aren't meant to be and others are, and that some are strong enough to withstand the chasing after dreams, and some aren't. Some insecurities will always be there, but can we handle them or do we let them eat us up? I've learned that some moments are meant to last forever, and others are meant to disappear. I've learned sometimes when your heart hurts more than you ever though it could, desperation kicks in and we make choices that change our lives. Sometimes we need to wait, let life take its course and just.... wait. We will know when that moment comes, when we've waited long enough and life is telling us to move on. We will know.

I've learned that no matter how hard you try, you can never control another person. And no matter how hard it may be, some people are never going to change, so we must pick ourselves up and let them be. I've learned that families change, parents move away, siblings grow up and that sometimes, family does hurt you, although they might not realize all the wrong they have done. I've learned that family, the people that raised you, may change, but somehow as we get older, we become more than just a daughter, we become a friend and more than just a sister, we become more, something stronger than blood. I've learned that although things happen and time changes things, we must accept it as life. I've learned that losing a pet really does shake you to your core and brings back all the memories of when we were young and life seemed endless.

I've realized that some of us need validation in commitment, others, like myself, need independence. I've learned that although many people may never understand my decisions, it doesn't really matter, because in my heart I know it's what's best for me. I've learned that some are blinded by who they love and where they live, some are ignorant of what life really is and that some don't care if they are ignorant, naive and wrong. I've learned that misconception is such a strong emotion and that people are not willing to open up their eyes and experience something different than we know.

I've learned that sometimes love dies and two people must find a new way of life. I've learned that sometimes, the choices we make in haste, come back to tear us apart and the choices that perhaps we're pushed into, can truly make or break our lives. I've learned that small towns are small towns and big cities are big cities and they do not mix. I've learned that some are meant for one and others are meant for the other. I've learned that time spent with those we love is the most important thing of all. And that at the end of the day, even if you disagree with everyone you encountered on your path, if you have one person that understands you and your choices when you go home, that's the most beautiful part of life.

Love Letter

Someday, one moment, in the next few months I will be gone. I will leave and follow my heart, wherever it may take me. And in that search, I will find what I'm looking for, a piece of me that I lost long ago, that many of you never even knew I was missing. One day soon I will be gone from lives here, and you will wake up and though you may not notice I am gone for a little while, you will when you least expect it. There will be small things that remind you of me, even though I will be millions of miles away. There will be moments when you wonder what you could have done differently to keep me, and moments when you miss the way my hair felt on your face, or the smell that PF Changs take out takes over the apartment.

There will be no bath water running or material swatches laying around. The movie shelves will be just a little bit emptier and Paris will no longer be hanging on the wall. There will be a day when you understand that this is who I am, and it's not something I can change. There will be a day when I am just an old story, that girl you dated way back when, that girl that ran away, that girl that had too many dreams to keep straight. And I'm okay with that, because I have to leave. I have to find what I'm looking for, and it's not here, not in Portland, not in our apartment, not here. I've been trying to find it for a long time and for a while, love filled the void I have, and made me forget about it for a little while. But not now, and as the moments get closer and closer to me finding a new home somewhere else, I can't help but wonder what you'll do.

Will you stay here? Move back home? Try and forget about me to move on? Or will you come after me, will you fight for me, do all you can to find me, wherever I may be? I think we all growing up hoping our lives will turn out like a fairy tale, that the perfect guy will come flying through the airport after us, that he'll fight for us to the ends of the earth, that he'll be there, to be whoever we need him to be.

I know that's not what life is, in fact, it's much crueler, but even more beautiful. I don't know what I need right now, or necessarily what I want, or who I love, or who loves me. I've been let down by friends so many countless times, and sometimes, all I really want is someone to sit down and talk to, without apprehension, without fear or guilt. You were the closest thing I ever had to that, yet you still won't let me in those walls you've built, and while I'm crumbling down around you, you keep you walls built high so no one can get in.

So in a few months, just remember that you will miss things. And even though at first it might not seem real, it will be. There are things we both need to find, and I have a feeling I might be running wild for a long time. It's part of who I am, it's inside of me to be that girl, and I need to find the things that I've been missing for so long.

*found

It takes us years to find out who we are, and years to mold ourselves into what we want to be. It's those years that create the person we are, and those years that pave the path we are to take in our lives. For some,it takes merely a short time to find out the path they want, for others, it takes quite a while, but it doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as you find the true you, and your true self. And when we find out who we are, then we can share it with someone else, and only then can we truly love someone else.

I have big dreams to follow, big things to accomplish and I won't give those up to stay here and get married and live that life, and I was lucky enough to find someone to love me for those things, to know that's never what I'll be, and to love me anyways. I was lucky enough to find someone that is willing to let me go chase my dreams, follow my heart and accomplish all those enormous things I want and still be there when I need him. And it's through him and what he'll do for me to let me chase those dreams, that makes me love him more than I already do and that makes me know that our love is real and will last.

Sometimes love doesn't last, sometimes life just happens. Sometimes moments make us realize what we have when we have it and then it's jut gone. We must figure out how strong our love for someone else really is. We must figure out what it can withstand and what it cannot, and when you can find someone that is willing to let you go to the ends of the earth to accomplish what you want to do, then you know you've found your soul mate.