Alone

I have so missed seeing the rain pound against my windows and the way it looks when the sky is as dark as the buildings. And the way that the clouds roll in and you know that rain will be pouring all day long. I love the way the sky darkens and the rain comes pouring from above, the way that it smells, the way that it hits your face, the way that it makes you feel. I love the way everything glistens when wet, and how suddenly, everything is clean again, and it's almost as if the rain has washed everything bad away.

I have spent the morning curled up in my chair watching and enjoying the rain, reading a book that always takes me out of my world for a time and makes me believe in magic, in happy endings, in love. And even after reading it 3 times before, Twilight still manages to capture me, it still holds me together and it still pulls me so deep into another world, leaving all my own problems behind.

Everything is flying at me from all sides lately, and I'm more unsure of everything than ever before. Maybe I shouldn't even try to go back to Portland, maybe I shouldn't even try to go back to the relationship that seems so strained. Maybe I should really just stay here, endure it, and then move somewhere else on my own, somewhere where it rains, where the fall colors change. Maybe I should just go on alone and leave all this behind, because it only hurts me anymore. I do know that I will always need the rain, it gives me such a peaceful feeling to see it rain like this, to see the clouds move slowly over the city, dumping water so gracefully down upon us all.

And here I sit, the rain is done, the heat is back, and I am alone, as always.