Me, and Only Me

There are moments in life when we are tested. When we have nothing in our control, when we must hurt others or hurt ourselves. There are moments that define us, there are moments that make us the people we are, and that show that to the world. I don't want to be defined by what I didn't do, by the dreams I didn't chase, by the things I didn't go after, by the risks I didn't take.

And here in this moment, it's this decision in front of me entirely in my control and yet, the decision I make will hurt some of those close to me whichever way I choose. So what do you do? Which road do you take? I have never been a person to let someone tell me no when I know it's right, and when something is being dangled out in front of me like this, I can't help but be seduced by it.

I think that sometimes you have to rely on your instincts, and you have to go for things that may not be guaranteed but that will make you happy. And while I may be leaving stability here, I am gaining so much more by taking this risk. I am getting passion for what I love, experience worth more that I ever could have here. I am getting closer to home, I am getting work with someone I greatly admire, my mentor. And I am being asked to do this, of my own accord, without help from anyone else. I am getting this opportunity because of who I am and not who my father is and that means more to me than anything else. And while I am risking security in the meanwhile, am gaining everything that I seem to need right now.

I need to just breathe by myself for a bit and figure this out. I need to not let everyone else's voices into my head because this decision needs to be for me. I need to figure it out without anyone else because it seems when I ask for someone else to listen they just all make it worse for me.

I just need to take a week to think, to realize what I really want, to realize what I really need. And I need to do it for myself and no one else. I can't keep pleasing everybody in my life because I'm giving up what I want and need in the process. So as this week goes on and I have some tough choices ahead, I have to believe in the end, that I will make the right ones, for me and for my future.