In the rain... just like I left it.

Finally a moment, to sit, to think, to write. And as I sit amongst candles, music, and blankets I find myself thinking of so much. I find myself thinking back to these past few months and what they have brought and what they have taken away. And in many ways, more life changing things have occurred since December in not only my life but many of those close around me, that it's sometimes hard to take it all in. This will most likely be my last month in Portland for a while, until I return for good at least. And I find myself reminiscent and downhearted at that thought. Though I must return to that island apartment for a while, to finish out what I started there. And this time it's different, this time I'm not leaving to run away, I'm leaving to come back and I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, it's 5 months instead of a year. It's knowing that we are strong enough now, that we've been through worse and that when I come home, I'm finally home for good. When I come home, I am home every night in his arms, waking up every morning to see him next to me.

And sometimes I think to myself about what's going on in my life and I'm a bit amazed. In just 9 months I will be 6 days away from my wedding, in just 5 months I will be packing to come home for good, in just 3 months I will be saying goodbye to my ocean view apartment with the balcony, and so time will fly and we will be alright. This crazy life is so close within our reach finally, and finally I have never been so sure of anything in my life. I imagine that day all the time, walking down that aisle to meet you at the other end, saying those vows in front of everyone we love, hearing people toast us, and watching all those amazing people in our lives be there to show us they believe in us and to support us and all we've been through.

Life seems to never stop, and so when I get a moment like this tonight, to sit, to just breathe and to let myself just be, it brings to mind so many thoughts, so many things that I am so thankful for, so excited for. I am so ready for this next chapter in my life and when I look around at the life we've made, at what we've done, we've done pretty damn good. So as I move forward, as I embrace my last full month in this beautiful Pacific city, I will embrace every day as my last, I will smile as I see the streetcar pass, and laugh when it starts raining. I will wear all my cherished coats and wrap myself in scarves. I will cherish it all, and I will know that when I put all those winter clothes away and pack my bags to head back to the Islands, I will only be there for 5 months, and that when I return, everything I love will be waiting right here, in my apartment, in my city, in the rain just like I left it.