A lot has changed... but I'm still here

A lot has changed in 5 years since I first wrote in this blog about who I was, what I wanted to be and where I was going. 5 years ago, I was just beginning my journey. I was young, naive, and unsure of where I was going. And here I am, I'm still here and I'm a little different, a little older and little wiser. Here is who I am; a lot has changed, but I'm still here, I'm still here.

So updated from the original: http://cmartpage.blogspot.com/2005/09/take-me-or-leave-me-part-1.html

Take me or leave me part 3... 2010:

1. I have found that my understanding of faith has changed, and sometimes sitting through mass is the only thing in my life that can sooth me.
2. I still need to be alone sometimes, I still need my space and I still need time to just be by myself.
3. I still love writing more than perhaps anything else, but I don't have as much time for it as I used to.
4. I don't need to live on diet coke anymore and I'm trying to kick the habit, at least cut back.
5. I found a love for Sex and the City... and whenever I need a little pick-me-up or a smile, that's where I go
6. I still love sunsets
7. I am extremely impatient, but I'm learning every day how to deal with that
8. Music still very much soothes me, all different kinds
9. I love to read when I have time, I wish I had more time to do it
10. I don't shop so much anymore, but every once in a while I will take a few hours to do it. I'm more into buying pieces that are classic, that last and that go with everything.
11. I have pretended to be things I'm not to please other people.
12. I have done things I wish I hadn't, but I've learned from all of those mistakes
13. There are memories that I find myself forgetting about, like dancing on a rooftop with a boy I barely knew.
14. I have seen more fabulous places around the world in the last 5 years, many of which I never thought I would.
15. I still consider my birthplace and childhood home in the Middle East a part of me, but it's a little less of a part of me than it used to be.
16. I can still count to 10 in Arabic, and also in French and Spanish. And I can say hello and thank you in Korean.
17. I still need to fall asleep to the TV or a movie
18. Black is no longer my favorite color, I'd have to say my favorite is pink now.
19. I still keep my nails always painted and the color will still tell you a lot about my mood.
20. I am still totally addicted to mentholatum, but not altoids anymore.
21. Little kids still drive me crazy... though I have warmed to a few in particular. Like my little nephew Preston :)
22. I don't want kids, I have come to that realization and I'm okay with it, and I'm more aware of how that comes across to people. But I think it's an important choice for everyone to make and it shouldn't be something you just do because you think you should.
23. I am much more confident in myself, in who I am and in what I can do. I'm not afraid to run with the men and to shine through.
24. I still love reading magazines, it's kind of an escape for me.
25. My aunt is no longer in my life and has hurt many people that I love very much in that process. And I have found that I no longer need her to go to when I need someone to listen.
25. I am still always cold, and increasingly so over the years. I think I have bad circulation.
26. I am constantly trying to be more open minded.
27. I miss my convertible very much.
28. I don't like talking on the phone unless it's with my grandma or my mom or Nick.
29. When I'm not talking, I'm constantly thinking.
30. I am getting married in the fall to someone that I can talk to, someone I can tell anything to, someone that loves me unconditionally and laughs with me
31. I still would do anything for my brother.
32. I'm always in the middle of everything, no matter what it is.
33. I'm really into gray right now... hence the new gray walls and gray windows and gray wedding theme.
34. When I'm really angry I will keep it to myself, most of the time
35. I'm afriad of being hurt or abandoned
36. I am not so afraid of goodbyes anymore, but I am beginning to crave change at certain points and then goodbyes become necessary.
37. I don't feel like I missed out on anything growing up. There is nothing that I didn't do that I wish I would have done. I feel like I lived the last 5 years to the fullest and I got to do everything I wanted to do.
38. I have reconciled with my father, and we are the closest now that we have ever been.
39. I am still very close with my grandma, but I have seen a new side of her as I have become an adult and it's a different relationship now than it was.
40. I still have multiple bedrooms, multiple apartments, but only one home.
41. I have come back to drinking coffee, though not as much as I used to. But a few times a week, a caramel machiato tastes amazing.
42. I could site and write for hours if I had the time.
43. I only like dark chocolate.
44. My hair constantly is still changing colors; it's my way of making a change without being drastic.
45. I went from everyone thinking I was older than I was, to now people thinking I'm in college still. I guess I'm just going to go with it.
46. I miss running.
47. I love talking to my mom and I'm so happy that she is so happy right now.
48. I have a lot of ambitions and those have changed a lot over the years.
49. I love learning about history, and I wish I could just learn everything.
50. I love languages, and in the next few years, I'd love to brush up on my spanish, learn French and perhaps Arabic.
51. I still love my Keds.
52. Rasberries are still one of my favorites.
53. I don't always wear jewelry anymore, just my ring.
54. I couldn't live without my iPod or my iPhone or my Macbook - Aurora, Seraphina and Pink and soon to add to the bunch are going to be Fiona and Bella (iMac and iPad)
55. I love the city and I couldn't ever go back to living in a smaller place. I have fallen in love with Portland all over again.
56. I love old houses, but I don't ever want one.
57. I like to cook but life is so hectic that most of the time I like going out to eat more.
58. I love my height and I wouldn't change it even if I could.
59. I still have a thing for Kobe... hence my love of the number 8.
60. I have found someone that knows everything about me and love me anyway.

Even though I'm still a lot the same, I have grown up a lot and I have added to who I used to be. Stay tuned for the update on Part 2...