Make the Most

I often wonder why I do all of this, and why I go through life like I do. What if tomorrow I was different, what if I decided to change paths? What would happen to this life if I was just gone tomorrow, in another time, another place? Would it change where I am now, would it change who I am, would it change those that I love and those that love me?

I am being pulled in so many directions right now, that often times I just wonder why I go through it all. I just want to come home at the end of the day, feel like I accomplished something and sit down at my table, looking out the window and write. I miss that. I miss the solitude. I miss the quiet. I miss the words, the writing.

Words have always been a way for me to get through the next moment in time, always a way to find peace. I haven't found much peach lately and I'm being pulled down by everything around me. I haven't had a moment in so long that I felt like was my own, that I could just sit and write, that I had nothing else pressing, nothing else that needed to be done. And I need that now, I need the quiet, the motion-less moments, with absolutely nothing but words, and thoughts and prayers and the sound of my breath.

I often wonder why I don't just give up what isn't important, Why I go through it all and get so weighted down. And I think I do it because it's who I am. But I still wonder, if tomorrow I was in another time, or another place, would it change everything here, would it change who I am, who you are, would it change those that I love and those that love me? Would it be the same as it always was without me here? Or am I stuck in this moment, in this life here in this place, in this time? But while we're here, we might as well make the most of it.