Looking

As the evening falls, I wish it were raining. I wish it were pouring, rain drops large and beautiful smashing into the ground. I miss that, I miss the hard rain, the sound it makes and the smell it leaves. I am not feeling very much like myself tonight and with so little time left here, all I want to do is speed it up. As soon as we have an end in sight, why is it that it seems like it takes forever to get here?

I'm feeling so uninspired as of late and little bit afraid of what is ahead. I wonder if I'll always be this way, if I'll always have my doubts in everything, if I'll find a way to keep myself always inspired?

This blog is a chronicle of my life and sometimes when I'm in moods like this, I will go back to this month a few years ago and see how I felt then... sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not. But nonetheless, it reminds me of an easier time and a time when I was figuring out life as I went.

I don't know if I'll ever find what missing in my heart, or if one day, I'll just realize that it's easier to stop searching. I hope someday it clicks, that someday I feel whole, that whatever is missing inside of me will finally come to light. I hope someday I look back on this blog post and will have finally found whatever it is that I'm looking for.