The Daughter They Never Even Knew

We grow up hearing, “Be your own person,” “Go for what you feel,” and “become whatever you want to become.” But then as we grow up and get to that point when those are the things we need to be doing, suddenly those parents that told us all those things, pull the plug on our dreams. They give us everything and never ask for anything in return, but the moment that all we need is their support in becoming the person we are becoming, they are not there. You know, I used to believe that I could tell my parents anything, especially my mom, that I trusted her to know what I truly feel. But anymore I do not. I trust no one except a few friends to know the secrets of my heart. I feel alone and totally lost, but I cannot tell my parents that, they will punish me for it. I have changed, matured, grown into myself, found out more about who I truly am inside, but yet they look down upon that and tell me to go back to how I used to be. They tell me they trust me with everything, that I have always done what they have wanted, but when I am upon the beginning of doing it, they get nervous and don’t trust that I’ll do the right thing, even though I always have. How is it fair that I have never done anything wrong, nothing major anyway, and all my peers have, though they get more trust from their parents than I do? How can I be treated like this when the others are praised and are partying that very night, doing everything that I never did?

It makes me angry that I have tried to become who I truly am inside and that I am looked down upon for that. For they have no idea of what is going on in my head; in my heart. They have no idea that today of all days is the worst to spring this on me; and in fact I bet they wouldn’t even care. They would tell me to get over it and move on, just as they did with the move. I want to scream, for inside of myself I am screaming, yelling, irate at them for all that they pretend to be and do! They don’t understand anything about me, I’m not sure if they ever did. They pretended to know me, to be close to me, but did they ever know the real me? I don’t really think they did, they saw me doing well, doing all that I was supposed to do and overlooked who I was. All those times they were proud of me, it wasn’t me they were proud of, it was what I was doing that made them feel proud. I don’t know that they have ever been proud of “me;” of who I truly am, they don’t know me at all.

So I don’t care anymore; if they want it this way, it will be this way. They can do what they do, help me out, whatever, and I will thank them when necessary, appease them. But I will not fall short to their giving, I will not loose myself because they feel unappreciated. I will grow apart from them, then we will see who comes begging for their daughter back, the daughter they never even knew.