I love you Mom

I miss you, I miss talking to you. I wish we were closer, nearer in distance and in spirit. For I miss our talks, your smile, your laugh. I miss the way you look at me and I miss trusting you. I wish you would've shown me that trust; I wanted you to stand up for me, who I am, who I was, but you didn't. And though I could never not love you, I lost a part of you that I had always kept. I miss being "us," I wish I could repeat last year, grow even closer to you, with the time we had. But it's done, that year is gone, and he took you away from me again. I know you trust me, I do, but it wouldn't hurt to show that every once and a while. Please know that I love you with all my heart, you were once my best friend, who I told everything to, but now that's gone, lost in the drifts of life. I miss you, I miss being around you and I miss singing in your car, making you cd's, and talking on all those long drives home. And yes, Mom, I have changed. But I have grown up and you know, I wish that that wouldn't have driven us apart. I miss seeing you everyday and just hearing your voice on the phone isn't enough, it's not the same. And even though I shouldn't, I will always blame him for taking you away, taking your trust away from me. I know that if it was just you and me it would be amazing, perfect always. I do love you with all my heart, I only wish that I could see you every day, that I could talk to you about anything in my life. But I can't, you're busy with your own life, moving on, Jamie, work, dinner, errands, I know you're tremendously busy and I award you for that, you do it all with ease and skill. But somehow I feel like now I'm just another thing on the list, talking to your daughter at the end of a busy day. I wish things were different, I miss you, I miss you so, so much. I love you Mom, I always will.