the blame of my tears

You know everytime I talk about it, I cry. Everytime I remember the hell you put me through, I get angrier and angrier. And you will probably never even hear this from me, I'll probably never be able to tell you all that I wish I could. The thing is, I'm too scared of what you'd do, how you'd react, if I did ever tell you, and then on the other hand, you probably wouldn't even get it, and you might not even care. It all started when you came back that night and told me flat out, that we were leaving. Never once did you consider my feelings, my thoughts; never once did you ask me what I thought, what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. Then you did it anyway, left me, you left me, abandoned me for a whole year. You missed every big senior moment, every feeling, every thought and had no idea who I turned out being after that year. You lost me and our relationship is no longer a father and a daughter, it is but mere aquaintances who know a little more about each other than the average. And that hurts me, it hurts me beyond belief, beyond all imagination. For when I speak of it, when I talk to those that listen to me, they all tell me that someday we'll get over it, that I will forgive you. But right now I don't know if I ever will and I don't care if I ever do. You left me, gave up on my dreams, not caring how it effected me, and lost me as a daughter a long time ago. You have become so fake to me it's unreal, and I am having a hard time forgiving and forgetting. It's your fault that this whole summer I have been hurting, it's your fault that our relationship is this way, and it's your fault that every tear has fallen from my eyes, and I'm not sure that I will care much if that ever changes. So for now, this is the best I can do, this is the most I can actually attempt to say to you. And someday hopefully I will have someone who I can look into their eyes and fully trust, like I used to trust you. You have changed like I can't even imagine and until you admit to me that you have, show me that you want it to be like it used to be, I will hold on to my feelings. And this is how I feel, I blame you for all my hurt, I blame you for Mom's tears as well, and I blame you for not wanting to be my dad. For once I was your little girl, but I don't think that relationship will ever exist again.