*i'm bitter, very bitter*

i can't believe i didn't make that list, i can't believe all i've said to you was just thrown away. it hurts me to know that's what you think of me, it makes me angry that i was pushed aside, thrown to the side as others were placed in front, when you know nothing of who they truly are. don't i mean more to you than that? obviously not, obviously i'm replaceable to you and i guess this has opened my eyes. i am angry, saddened, hurt by the words you've said to me, whether out of jealousy, rage or pure irony, saying them in the wrong times, in the wrong places, it doesn't matter anymore. can't you just be happy for us, for me? can't you just see that i am so content, the happiest i've been in many many years? can't that be enough, why do you have to put that down? and on top of that, how did i not make that list, that hurt me however innocent it began. that list was so ironic to me, that those are the ones that you treasure as friends. but let me ask you this, how many times have they been there when you've fallen? how many hours have you spent talking to them? how many times have they given up giving you advice? and how long has it been since you've actually talked to them?