sure as hell

I'm not so sure what I'm feeling right now, I don't know where I am in my mind, all I know is that when I think about it, I'm not even close to where I want to be. I don't know if it's too much alone time these days to sit and think, or not enough sleep or too much running through my head, but I do know that someday soon I want to feel good in my own skin, feel beautiful without having someone have to tell me. I want to listen to sad music and appreciate it but feel fabulous still, feel happy. I want to trust people and look past all their flaws, I want to have a friend that doens't want anything of me except my company sometimes. I want a world where no one tells me.. ."i'm gonna tell you this, but don't tell anyone else." I want to take naps on the roofop under the sun and write about a new topic every single time i sit down. I don't know what's running through my head as I write this... it's weird, itt's foreign, not who I used to be. I don't know though whether better or worse, who knows anymore... I sure as hell don't.