They say that when it rains it pours, the problem is, I love the rain, as long as I don't have to in the middle of the storm. I like to be the one perched beside my open window, touching each drop as it falls but only for a moment. Perhaps that is the problem lately, each drop has been pouring not into my hand, but directly onto me. I have seemed to be in the middle of the enormous rain storm that has hit, alone in the middle of a desert, unsure of what to do with all the rain pouring down from the supposed Heavens above. In the past month of so it seems like it has been a constant storm, this after that, pouring down all at once barely supporting the lifeless body that captures me now. And finally, along this lonely stretch of solitude, I found my way again through love, and yet once again, hit hard with something that hits way too close to home.
And if people think I have a lot on my mind, they have no idea because there is more than anyone even knows. My mind only continues to hold onto more information and lately none of it has been good... none of it worth a second of time. News keeps piling up, things keep happening, things arriving late, hassles to take care of, fights, making up and finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, then today.
Only a few know of what is happening, only the few I trust the most... but even though I might laugh about it, I am scared inside and unsure of how to handle it. I don't know where this puts me, grand-daughter once removed or grandfather never seen again, shunned away. I am lost in my mind once again and unsure of the next route to take. I guess I've always said I loved the rain, but more than the rain itself, I guess I liked the vision of it, never hitting too close to home and now that it has, all I want are sunny skies.... but then again, is that real life? I guess not.
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