I miss whole heartedly believing in love. I miss knowing that the butterflies will arise and I miss the smallest things that love has to offer. I miss the urge to kiss him, I miss the inconvenient dates and movie nights. I miss the awkward seating, the flare of love at the beginning. I miss those first kisses, and the first time you hold hands with someone you really know you care about. I miss getting exciting at his phone calls, and I miss the way I used to feel when I had nothing else to do but do nothing with him. I miss the sudden treats, the surprises in the rain. i miss surprises.
I miss knowing that it's real. I miss never doubting myself, and I miss the times when I didn't question everything. I miss the romance, the real romance, not the imitations we play on now. I miss the way you looked at me, i miss the way nothing seemed too important when we were together. I miss the feeling of being in love, the feeling everyone else noticed too. I miss those first I love you's, then not overused, then they were truly real and meant. I miss just laying next to you, not having to nag or ask you to put stuff away. I miss not caring about anything when I was with you. I miss the days when you actually cared to do everything before you saw me, so we'd have time together.
I miss knowing love was perfect, I miss knowing we were invincible. I miss that anxiety before seeing you and I miss the special surprises, not the ones that are now cliche, but the ones when you asked me if it was raining, when you ran all over town just to get me my orchid for my birthday. I miss the moments when all I want to do is be with you, no fights, not arguments, no hastle. I miss you being you, I miss myself being with you. I miss walking with you, and the times when you did all you should do on your own without being asked to do it. I miss never having to ask you to do anything. I miss your touch, that gentle caress that means more than me having to ask you for it. I miss those times when I was the only thing in your life that mattered, no cameras, no computers, just me.
And in the end I know we didn't mean for it all to end up like this. I know we didn't mean for all of this to go out the window, but it did. All of the special things that made us special are gone, not lost, but gone. And in the end, all I can hope for is that you'll read this tomorrow and miss them too. Because my love, where did we go wrong?
2 comments:
No I don't feel this way....I know there are things that have been missing and away but they are not hopelessly lost they are somewhere misplaced. I still care for nothing but you. I hope you trust we are perfect we are the right fit. I truly do believe in them, and the surprises. I just need to be more creative, because the love for you hasn't changed....just possibly the way it is shown...... it's still there, believe in it.
How people show love often changes during the course of a relationship, and as I have found out, it takes a lot of effort to keep it visible and clearly obvious. If either person is hoping the relationship will always be like it was in the first few months, they will be hugely disappointed. That is infatuation, but what you guys seem to have is love. To me, love means truly being there when your partner needs you, and offering that which no one else can. It may be that love needs to be expressed in alternative means, but I think it also means that love needs to be perceived differently as well. Don't get me wrong, you should still give/receive those things that used to make your heart flutter, but make sure to notice the new ways your partner shows love as well. Realize that although things may have changed, you've still got an amazing future ahead of you.
A friend of mine, one which I highly respect, told me something recently that really changed my outlook on such situations:
Love is a feeling, but TRUE love is a choice...
You can't expect for things to stay as vibrant as possible if you don't make it your firm choice to do so, and you stick with your decision. You know how people say that marriage is hard? Well, you're nearly there right now. Just add on living with each other 24x7, full-time jobs, kids, houses, and Volvos, and you'll realize that if you keep longing for that first kiss, or that amazingly surprising flower, you'll miss the things that truly say "I Love You."
I say these things as a best friend, and I would like to note that I am not part of your relationship, so how could I possibly know what's going on. Heck, this probably isn't even any of my business (though being on the internet kind of makes it so). But I wanted to share a few things that I really would have liked to hear in the past few years of my own life, in hopes that they can help.
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