Test

You know... sometimes we break, sometimes we fall, sometimes we sit in a hotel room alone in a foreign country and wonder if it is all worth it. Sometimes we are so exhausted and overwhelmed that we forget why we do what we do and we lose a little part of who we are. I have been there, down, lost, exhausted, irritated and hurt, and yet tonight, as I sit here in my beautiful apartment, at my new table, overlooking the city as the day comes to end, once again rested, relieved and anxious to get back to work, to do what I love doing, it makes it all worth it.

It makes everything be put into perspective, into a new way to live, and makes you consider all that you've done and all that you plan to do. Once again, I have love in my life, support in my life, travel, design, a career, my own money, my own place and a city that I have such a love/hate relationship with. I think that sometimes all we need are a few good things put together to make us realize that in our deepest hours when we feel alone and lost, that we do have all the things we've always wanted.

It's the moments like this, here tonight in a city that has taken so much from me but also given so much in such a short period of time, that we can truly realize all that we have and all that will chase in the future. I have the best boyfriend in the world, supporting my every step and while he may not take every step with me, I know he's there to catch me if I fall back. I have a loving family, parents who understand me and let me be who I am and do what I think is right, whether they think it is or not... they trust completely. I have friends that I can talk to when I need but let me live my own life too and they live their own as well. I have a career, opportunities to travel, to grow, to challenge myself. I have an education and dreams that will take me far.

What more could I ask for in life? What more could I need? Life makes you think often about what we have, especially when we're alone and lost, when we in that little hotel room in a foreign country, exhausted, drained, hurt and alone. We have to feel those things to feel the good afterwards. We have to know lost love, hurt and pain, fear and anxiety and lonliness in order to feel happiness, eagerness and love. It's the deepest moments when our faith is tested the most, when our love is tested the most, when our lives and who we are are tested the most.