first and last

This is it. The last 24 hours. The hardest 3 months of my life have come and past, the love lost to responsibility and loyalty is back tomorrow. The love that made me fall on my very knees just almost a year ago. How very ironic that I am reading back posts of alomst a year ago in which my heart was so young, so innocent,, so naive. And now I am the person sitting in front of you, matured, knowledgable, grow up a little. But then again so has our love grown. I remember though the first date when we sat for hours at Panda Express just talking, the movie I never really wanted to see but I wanted so badly for you to put your arm around me. And then the following dates, the time I got sick at BJ's and you stayed by my side barely sleeping all night making sure I was alright. I remember the first night you slept over, the feeling of excitement I had waking up next to you the next morning. I remember that first time you went with me to the riverfront, the first time you held my hand and the movie night at my apartment cramped together in that little black chair. The next movie night when we got the bed, haha. We'll keep that one to ourselves.

I remember the drive to McMinnville when I wanted so badly just to be near you and the nights at UP playing ping pong and talking in the Villa common room until you had to go to class, gosh I didn't want you to leave. I remember the first time you kissed me, so nervous, so exhilerated. The first time you met my parents, the thrill I felt to show you off. I remember our love growing, the first time you told me you loved me and I was so excited to be able to say it back. Though I'd already known for a while, it felt so right when you said it. I remember what you told me right before that too haha, but again I'll keep that to myself. It was so remarkkable thouggh, so sincere how you did it. I remember how we grew together, I in you and you in me. I remember the night you showed up at the corner to surprise me and asked me if it was raining. I remember our long talks into the night over your fall break and all I wanted was to be right beside you. I remember our first drive down to medford together, never boring of each other. The first time I slept at your house and the night that we fell asleep in your dorm room only to wake up at 3 in the morning and sneak out.

I remember each and every kiss, each and every moment when I felt something more than the time before and each and every day when I was so excited to see you again. I remember so many night drives home from UP listening to music and looking at the city lights and thinking how could everything be so perfect?

I don't ever want to lose those memories. The year I fell in love for the first time, the year that changed my life and the year that changed me. I want this year to be the same, a year full of more memories, even more moments that I can look at you and smile. And as our love grows even deeper, may we grow into each other even more beautifully and more concretely than we already have. May we live as if we've only just fallen in love but act as if we've been in love for our whole lives. I feel like I have been in love with you for years, I can't wait until I can say that love and I know someday I will be able to.

I'll never forget the day I fell in love with you. It was from the very first moment I met you, I felt it though I wasn't sure what it was, but I felt it. From that first night after our first date when I couldn't sleep at all because I was thinking of you and the whole next week when all I wanted was to kiss you again and feel you next to me. You had me from the very first moments, each and every time I saw you I felt it again, you're the only person I've ever loved like this and I hope you'll be the last.