judgement day~

Do you ever look back on your past and just think about the things you thought would fit right into your life and find out now that they were so wrong for you? As I sit here, listening to a country song I just got from my brother's collection, I look back on where I was a year ago, the feelings I thought I had, the ideas I had, the person I was making myself become to please those around me and to get the relationships I thought I needed or wanted, the difference never really was clear. And I see now that none of those things were right for me, none of them made sense with the life I want or the things I love to do. Relationships were formed that were feigned and nothing was real from the words said to what we both thought we wanted. And I guess as you grow you realize more of the mistakes you made and you find out that everything does work out for a reason, that reason just isn't always known for sure in the moment.

No one knows what someone else is feeling, but I guess that the best we can do is to find that one person that comes to know you better than even you know yourself. Someone who isn't fake around you, who doesn't care what you've been through and doesn't judge you by it but who looks at who you are in the present tense. I guess you have to know that some people will always think I'm a bitch, some will always think I'm a spoiled rich girl with her own apartment and everything taken care of. Some will always know me as that girl with the convertible, that girl who dramatizes her life and who acts like the world is out to get her. And I guess there's not much I can do about what they think of me, but I can be the person I am. A girl who has had to say goodbye way too many times, a girl who has finally found a home to fit in to and shouldn't be punished for that. A girl who wants to help others and touch lives in one way or another. A girl who wants to be the best person she can be and who is remembered for the good person she was and how she lived her life. And if people can't see who I am inside and the good thinggs I do, then the hell with them. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes and see for real the bumps and rides that everyone goes through... don't judge me for who I am, for where I come from and what I do.

Live a day in my life and then see who I really am.