I feel so much like a flower with almost all petals gone, worn down to the last layer of skin, the last piece of petal that exists on this stem of a life that I live. I feel as if, anymore, I have nothing to hold on to, as if I have nothing to guard me from what comes next. And as much I as seem to put on a brave face and go on living as I am, inside I feel so broken, so alone. It feels like I literally have a million things going on right now and every time I turn around, another person leaves me behind or hurts me, whether knowingly or not. And I can't take anymore hurt, I can't take anymore tears, I can't take anymore of this treatment, because I deserve more, I am more.
I am broken, falling, missing the petals that make me who I am. I am lost, alone and scattered. And for the first time in a long while, I don't know what to say anymore. I don't have the energy to go on like this, so I will sit idly by and hope for the storm to pass. I don't have the time or the patience to do this anymore so I'm going to figure it out on my own. Because in the end, lately, I've realized all you really can every count on is yourself.
2 comments:
This is true... you will be disappointed by everyone, because everyone is human. Religious people reach out to those to which they pray for just this reason. Everyone will let you down at one point or another, so I guess I'll apologize in advance :-)
Casey,
I know that things don't always work out as hoped...plans are screwed up....and i make mistakes..... I hope that you will allow your petals to grow back, I hope you will let me love you the way you deserve. I hope you notice things going better....btw I am really looking forward to seeing your hair....It is a symbol of the growth of new petals and rehealing. I love you.
~N
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