i'm sorry daddy

My heart was heavy yesterday, it still is actually... but the rain is helping to cleanse it. A question on a survey this morning made me stop and think, a question about choosing a million dollars or clearing up a past regret or something that is bothering you. And I believe that I would choose to clear up one thing in my life, to change the relationship I have with my dad. I wish I could be his little girl again and for a while I thought I had achieved that partially. I want to be the daughter he wants me to be and I realize now after the day I had yesterday (a pretty bad day really) that I wish he would be the one I could call and find comfort in, at least to be one of the two most important men in my life. I wish I could have been able to cry on his shoulder this summer, I wish I could go back and change how our lives played out, I truly do. So I'm going to try, I'm going to attempt to change the way I feel about him again, I really am. I pray everyday that something will change between me and him, that some moment, some word will change it. Maybe I have to be the one to step up and do it, maybe he's too scared, maybe he doesn't even care but I think I owe it to him to try, I think I owe it to myself. I'm sorry daddy, I wish I could change things, I wish I could call and cry on your shoulder, I wish you would understand where I'm coming from. I'm sorry and I'm going to try....