this is kind of a deep post... just beware....

I just finished reading a blog that I read everyday, a girl's thoughts locked into words and sentences and she is unhappy, she is scarred beyond all imagination. And this is a girl I barely know, a girl who seems completely lost. And as I read her incredible writing, lyrically I'm in awe at what she can say with bare words and letters. Her lyrics are fabulous and she is so talented in how she can form the words to say the things she feels, something that I feel sometimes I lack at and wish that I could do better in my own writing. But as I read her posts, as I read those carefully crafted words and letters, as those emotions on the page fill in my mind, all my own memories come back to haunt me. For she is down as deep as you can get, her trust is shot, she is not able to open her heart to love and her issues with her family stem very deep. She is lost in the same world that I was lost in, in a reality that you feel will never end. I feel for her and in her words, my own past is a nightmare that haunts me again, especially here in this unfaithful house with my father downstairs. Here in this house, in this room that is not mine, that will never be mine, I remember the feeling of feeling like this was someone's else's life, that I had no idea why I was here, why there was any point of going on at all. Everthing had been ripped away from me, my world shattered in one moment and it was him that we sacrificed everything for, so then how dare he be that way with me, how dare he disregard me as his daughter. I have had such deep anger towards him for so long and I will not lie, some of it still is rooted deep in my heart. But I will say this, as all those bad memories, all those horrible nights crying in between the sheets of this bed, come back to my mind, this world I'm in now is no comparison. Right now, at this point in my life, my nightmares have subsided and in one moment I met you, who I love with all my heart. You were what changed me from hiding in reality to flying in a dreamworld we created. And with you, my heart healed and I escaped the world that I had hated for so long, I buried a lot of the feelings of rage and hate toward my father and am trying to resolve the rest. I learned to breathe with you and right now as I sit here, waiting to hear your voice, waiting to touch your skin again, I can only think of how much I miss you and how much you mean to me. It's incredible to me how that one moment changed me, how that love I feel for you changed my entire world. And I have realized that those who are broken, like this friend who's posts are dreadfully depressing yet lyrically brilliant, can indeed learn to breathe again. They can find that true love they're looking for and they can come out of the dark to realize there is so much more out there for them in this world, whether it be in a world of reality or a world of dreams they create. So for those out there that are scarred, that are hurting, that are dead inside, know that I have been there, I have felt what you are feeling and know that it will pass. Someday you will have a moment when your world comes together and again, everything makes sense. I will pray for you and hope that it comes soon...