*eras*

Here I am, laying in this bed I used to sleep in all the time, this room that holds so many memories, mostly bad, mostly tears, yet still they are memories. And here with the family that I have always had, the family I've been through so much with and yet it all seems foreign to a point. Perhaps it's because I'm maturing, growing faster than I had thought I was, perhaps it's because all I want is to be with him there and not here except by a feeling of guilt that always resides within me, pushing me to come back to this foreign home and strange house.

It seems that in the last year so many of my dreams have come true and they have changed me and the life I live. I guess that means those that were closest to me had their lives changed as well as mine changed, as all are so interlinked. I found myself deeply in love with someone and he was all that I wanted, his time was my time, his world became my world and perhaps somehow in the swirl of bliss I lost some of what my life used to be. But the thing is, I don't want to go back to the life I used to have and in fact, it feels strange being here at "home" with my parents and brother. It feels strange not having the freedom, the space, the right to do anything I want, talk to anyone I want and be anywhere I want. It's weird to me that some people stay in this era for so many years because for me all I want is so badly to be on my own again, to be at my own home in the city or to be with the boy I love so deeply.

And as I think about it, right here and now as these words seem to spill from my mouth, I have about one more month, maybe 5 or 6 weeks only until the boy I love is back with me all the time. And it seems like just yesterday we had to seperate, those long first weeks without him there and near by. My emotions nearly took me out, the tears flowed freely, the freedom seemed hard to get so used to. And here I am, almost finished with the time he had to be away and I've only fallen more in love with him over the past couple months. Here we are, in a transiition period of our lives, weening out of one era and into another. Leaving behind things we've always known for an era of everything unknown and I can't wait to begin it!